Sunday, December 11, 2011

If you want to make God laugh...

... just tell Him your plans.

Take yesterday for example.

My plan: Wake up early to take family pictures. Set up my tripod and remote. Capture a magical, joyful, purely BLISSful moment that will make your face melt off when you open our Christmas card.
Reality: We sit around making fart noises while Ike throws a tantrum. Everyone (myself included) takes turns being goofy/uninterested/upset over something trivial. I'm going to have to photoshop some smiles onto some faces.


My plan: Drive up to Mesa to attend my nephew's baptism. Booker and Ike will be enrapt and demand to be baptized right then and there. They will be so disappointed when I tell them they have to wait until they're 8 years old.
Reality: Booker spends the entire time poking holes through the picture of Jesus that adorns the program. He also accidently draws on a hymn book. Ike loudly announces that he wants to go home. Several times. Mama Ginger gives Asher a tic tac container which he uses as a rattle to disturb everyone within a 20 foot radius of us.

My plan: Feed my kids a healthy lunch at my sister-in-law's house after the baptism.
Reality: My kids eat chocolate cake for lunch. That's it. Just chocolate cake. Then they spend several hours jumping on the trampoline.

My plan: Introduce Asher to his Uncle Danny for the first time. Danny will fall so deeply in love with his nephew that he will vow to leave behind his life on the streets. He will be there for every Christmas, birthday and first day of school.
Reality: Danny meets Asher and asks if he's overweight. Ike wanders into the room, "Hey Uncle Chris, I have to shoot you now." Ike shoots his uncle.


My plan: Get dinner at a nice restaurant and catch up with Danny.
Reality: Booker gets a migraine and throws up chocolate cake on the side of the road. We get dinner to go and eat in the car.

My plan: Take everyone to see the Christmas lights at the Mesa Temple. We are mesmerized. We are filled with peace. We are filled with good will for all mankind. We resolve to be kinder to each other.
My reality: Booker refuses to leave the car. I go so far as to drag his body out and try to force it into the stroller. He clutches his aching head and begs to stay behind. We leave Clark and Booker behind to hang out in the car.

Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

My plan: We view the nativities. I teach Ike about the Savior's birth.
Reality: Ike jumps the line to view the nativities and tells Danny that they have to shoot the bad guys (the 3 wise men). We have to hurry through because he keeps grabbing the figurines.

Uploaded from the Photobucket Android App

My plan: Drive over to Phoenix to join my grandpa at his ward Christmas party. My kids will all be safely buckled in their seats as we drive.
Reality: Booker passes out on the floor of the car and I don't dare move him.

My plan: We crash my grandpa's ward Christmas party. His face lights up when he sees us all enter. We have a joyous time. He proudly introduces us to all his friends.
Reality: We show up and leave a sleeping Booker in the car with Clark. People give my pierced and tattooed brother quizzical looks. Booker wanders in with no shoes on, one sock, bed head and chocolate vomit smeared on his face. He is delirious and starving. We eat and leave the party early. I check to see if my grandpa's car will start. It doesn't. My kids are exhausted and crying. I try to reassure myself that someone else will be able to give him a jump when he's ready to leave.

My plan: Drive two hours home to Tucson snuggled up to Clark. All three boys fall asleep. There is peace. There is quiet. There are headphones and podcasts.
Reality: Drive two hours home to Tucson snuggled up to Clark. All three boys fall asleep. There is peace. There is quiet. There are headphones and podcasts.


Petra said...

I love this. If it's any consolation, you look stunning in that photo.

Carbonneau said...

life is a funny thing sometimes. It seems like you took it very well, but I am sure I would have been flustered to say the least. It looks like you are already looking back and laughing, I hope you are. I hope I can do the same after tonight. why do I get so worked up over kids refusing to eat my hard cooked meals?? or some other trivial thing. sounds like you had a busy day, I hope you had a relaxing one today!

blaine and michelle said...

Posts like this are the reason your blog is my favorite.

Nancy said...

This had me laughing. So hard.

Can I just tell you that at my nephew's baptism a three-year-old guest took a little dive into the font? His baptism was put on time-out until we fished her out and found new clothes for her. Hahaha...yeah. Plans. :)

Grandma Jan said...

Great-aunt Jan is chuckling sympathetically. . . I knew there was a back-story to the shot of the temple on Facebook. Thanks.

Tiffany said...

that's AWESOME! I can totally relate!