Friday, April 1, 2011

Eviction Notice

I realize that with a little over 3 weeks left, it might be too early to be issuing an eviction notice for this baby. But have mercy on me. It's 98 degrees outside today and my body is so bloody uncomfortable. And as my dad warned Clark back when we were dating- that Margaret, she's not exactly a stoic. Plus, I think it would be super hilarious if I went into labor while my 17 year old brother is visiting next week. I think he'd make a great doula. What do you say, Chris? Let's get this party started!

Date: April 1, 2011
To: Baby Proffitt
To the above tenant in possession of below described premises:

I am issuing 14 day notice for EVICTION. You will have 14 days in which you can either gather your belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, you will be physically removed from the property.

You are being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made!

Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper AND lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.

After 14 days from this day that you don't comply with the notice will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Thank you for your cooperation
Love, Mommy


Sarah Familia said...

You are too funny! I hope baby takes it seriously :)

Tiffany said...

So cute! I wish I was that creative! Thanks for the advice about breech babies. I looked into the spinning babies and I think i'll give some of those techniques a try! I'd be willing to see a chiropractor, but I've never seen one before and don't even know if my insurance covers it. Unfortunately, that won't be happening tomorrow. Pray for me!

the dingbat (Adrienne) said...

This had me laughing hysterically! SO TRUE! If there is another baby in my future - it will be getting an eviction notice for sure (although my previous babies all broke their lease way too early so maybe I won't have to worry about evicting)

Andie Johnson said...

Hilarious! 17 year old brother as doula - that would be YouTube gold.

Savvy in San Francisco said...

This is so funny! I love it! I am 29 weeks with baby number three and can totally relate to how you are feeling! Good luck with the early eviction!

Ronde said...

Your Grandpa Tueller was my doula for a short time with Logan. I was staying with them when my water broke. Dave was out of town. Your Grandma was working at the time and had to go to work so he took me to the hospital and stayed with me for a couple of hours until reinforcements came.

Emily said...

You crack me up! Seriously though, 3 weeks?! It was like yesterday that we were going bowling with hopes of inducing labor with our now 2.5 year old boys. Crazy.

Can't wait to meet the newest Proffitt boy!

Emily said...

Oh, and I think Chris would make an awesome doula!! Love it!

Amber said...

I love reading your blog!

Callie Proffitt Christiansen said...

Very well written. If he doesn't abide, Clark can serve him with papers.

Diane said...

You need to add some pictures to support your case.