The Big Red Flat

Jesus at the Home of Mary and Martha

2012-01-11T16:16:00.000-08:00

Years and years and years ago...

Clark and I had only been dating for a few weeks before Christmas rolled around and we were faced with that awkward decision whether or not to get each other gifts. When he found out that I had never seen the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off he was aghast, took the initiative and got me the DVD for Christmas. I got him... nothing. Instead, I got on a plane headed for Kuwait and hardly talked to him for three weeks over the semester break. Sometimes I can be rather self-centered. Also, when it comes to giving and receiving gifts, I'm usually pretty indifferent (not my love language, I guess). But thanks to Clark and his knack for gift giving over the years, I've gained a greater appreciation for a well-thought out present.

I loved his Christmas gift for me. Loved, loved, loved. Clark ordered a canvas print of a favorite Minerva Teichert painting, had it mounted and built a beautiful walnut frame for it. I love this painting. I love the story it depicts. I love the frame because he was the one to build it.

For those not familiar with the story, sisters Mary and Martha host Jesus and his disciples in their home. Martha busies herself with preparations to cook and serve the meal while Mary sits at the Savior's feet, listening and learning. At one point, a somewhat perturbed Martha asks Jesus if it's really alright that her sister isn't helping her? He responds that yes, it is alright for "Mary hath chosen the good part."

I love how Teichert has placed Mary at the center of the painting, bold in her red garments. She stands out to me. As if to say, "HEY MARGARET! Put down that mop and really listen right now. Listen to the Savior. Listen to your children. Listen to your spouse. The cleaning/cooking/emails/homework/whatever can wait. Just sit at my feet right now and learn about what really matters."

It's not that Martha has made a bad choice here and that's reflected in the painting. She's not far from the Savior. She appears to be attentive to what he is teaching but a little distracted. She is more muted, less noticeable. Her service is valuable to the Lord and he doesn't chastise her for choosing to prepare the meal. Instead, he lovingly tries to get her to focus on what matters most, the "good part." He's sharing his words, his teachings, his spirit and she is missing it because of all the STUFF she's preoccupied with. Sound familiar? It certainly does to me.

That's why I love this painting. It's got me thinking about New Year's resolutions and such. Like Mary, I want to sit at the Savior's feet and soak up his teachings. Like Martha, I have responsibilities I can't ignore. In a world that is FULL of distractions, it's easy to let your priorities get out of whack. This story reminds me that I ought to be more like Mary, but I can't help but notice that Martha's in the picture too. Temporal progression is important and worthwhile, but not as important and "good" as spiritual progression. I need to take time each day to study at the Savior's feet. It is there that I will find peace and direction.

In less nebulous and more quantifiable New Year's resolutions, I have just one. I want to read the entire issue of the Ensign each month. Sounds easy, right? We shall see. I thought if I made it public, I might feel more accountable and it's more likely to get done. Clark and I had a goal to not watch any TV in our bedroom but that resolution went out the window as soon as he became an invalid. Oh well, there's always next year.

Happy New THUMB, I mean YEAR!

2012-01-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

Oh man, what a week. 2012 is off to a rocky start.

On Monday around 9:15 in the morning Clark cut his thumb (essentially) off while using his table saw out in the garage. I know it was 9:15 in the morning because right after it happened I remembered to look at the clock. I had a feeling that time would be of the essence. Turns out it was. We got to the hospital and it wasn't long before they wheeled him off to the OR to either amputate his damaged thumb or try to repair it. Luckily, they were able to reattach it.

Since Monday, I've made the 35 minute drive to and from the hospital many times. I think about how Clark sat quietly in the front seat for 35 minutes holding his severed thumb and apologizing for "ruining" the day off that we had planned to spend as a family. Before we left, I asked him not to tell me how bad it was until we got to the hospital. I can't believe he honored that. You better believe if the tables were turned, I'd be screaming like a crazy thumbless troll and begging for morphine popsicles.

Here's Clark right after getting out of surgery. He will have no recollection of this picture. That tube thingie was blowing warm air on this thumb to improve blood circulation.

Like I said, it's been a long and crazy week. But my heart feels full right now:

- I'm grateful that I didn't have to go search for my husband's thumb in a pile of sawdust out in the garage and put it on ice before leaving for the hospital.
- I'm grateful that we live next door to awesome neighbors with firefighter/EMT expertise. Jared took a look at Clark's thumb and told us to go to the right hospital. Had we gone to any other hospital, we would have wasted precious time being transfered.
- I'm grateful for modern medicine, titanium rods and a determined Turkish plastic surgeon who, despite my best (and poorly timed) efforts to make conversation about the Hagia Sophia, was more focused on getting Clark into the OR.
- I'm grateful for Clark's new Kindle Fire. It was a great distraction while I sat in the OR waiting room imagining the possibility of life married to a short-thumbed man.
- I'm grateful for our ward family and particularly for the bishop of our ward who showed up at the hospital unannounced on Monday night and didn't laugh at me when I finally decided to unleash some of the "weepiness" that had been building up all day long. I am also grateful for Priesthood blessings.
- I'm grateful for my mother-in-law who hit the road just hours after the accident to be with my kids and my sister-in-law Callie for picking up where she left off. There were times when I wished I didn't have so much help available. That hospital cot was no where near as comfortable as my bed at home. And did I mention that the doctor insisted on keeping Clark's room temperature at a minimum of 83 degrees and checking his thumb temperature every hour AROUND THE CLOCK?!? Yeah, not ideal sleeping conditions. And as much as I begged, they wouldn't give me any morphine popsicles to help me sleep. Still, I'm thankful for the resources I have that allowed me to stay at the hospital.
- I'm grateful for my sister for driving three hours from Prescott to spend two nights here at my house. I am deeply touched when I think of her folding my special underwear and emptying all the trash cans in the house. Even the really stinky one full of dirty diapers in Asher's room. Holy cow, I love my sister.
- As much as I hate dealing with our insurance company, I'm super grateful we have health insurance. When all is said and done, Clark will have spent a total of 6 nights in the hospital (fingers crossed that he gets released tomorrow). We probably could have gone on an all expense paid 10 day cruise for the amount we'll spend to meet our deductible and co-insurance for this hospital stay. But it could always be worse. Much, much worse if we had no insurance at all. Plus, this was a vacation of sorts. I haven't had this much uninterrupted alone time with Clark in awhile. There's nothing quite as romantic as giving your spouse (who has been confined to his bed for three days in an 83 degree room) a sponge bath.
- Most of all, I'm grateful for Clark, his calm nature and his sense of humor through all of this. I know it's just a thumb, but this small brush with debility has reminded me of how grateful I am for his good health and well, for him in general. I sure love that thumb and the man attached to it.

Yuna & Asher

2011-12-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

My brother and his family were visiting over Christmas which under normal circumstances would mean a million photos of my favorite sister-in-law (on my side ;) and favorite half-Japanese niece. But poor Yaya was horribly sick the entire time and Yuna wasn't feeling great either. We loved having them, germs and all. My heart only broke a little each time Yuna refuses to come to me. I think a trip up to Utah is in the future so Yuna can get to know her Aunt Margie.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-30T10:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas was nearly a week ago and I've hardly had the energy to post about it. In the past week we bid farewell to my brother and his family, got sick, got better, watched lots of episodes of Downton Abbey and played hours (yes hours) of Super Mario Brothers on the Wii both with the kids and without them. What? I was sick. And that game is super fun and nostalgic.

Christmas this year was nice and low key. My kids are at an age where you don't have to get them much for it to be THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER. Booker's favorite gift this year was a mini lego figure sticker book and Ike really liked his dollar store light up stick. Go figure. As usual, Clark got me the perfect gift (more on that soon) and I got him... a pair of pants. Man, I suck. No matter what I try to do, he always outdoes me. It's good that his birthday is one week after Christmas so I can try to redeem myself.

Here are pics from Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

A shepherd and an innkeeper.

Reading Santa's note.

Doesn't every baby own a Santa suit?

Booker and Ike are THRILLED that Asher finally got a pillow pet. Life without a pillow pet? It's unimaginable.

Early Christmas with Grandpa G.

2011-12-22T08:01:00.000-08:00

This is mostly just a photo dump. My grandpa is at a point in his life where I need to be taking more photos of him and keeping them handy. Yesterday my siblings (all but one) and I gathered in Phoenix to spend the day together and do an early Christmas. Ordering dominos pizza is the same as making Christmas dinner, right? We also hit up the railroad park in the afternoon.

Amara wasn't digging the carousal.

Booker and Ike chose to ride in the cattle car for some odd reason.

Asher hung out with me and his great-grandpa.

Check out that bed-head. Yikes.

Ike fighting the bad guys.

Yuna and her anime smiles.

Attempts at a cousin shot...

...were not so successful.

Cutest hat ever, thanks Marie!

Christmas Yearbook 2011

2011-12-18T15:48:00.000-08:00

I've griped before about the pressure to come up with something brilliant for the annual Christmas Yearbook that Clark's family does and honestly, I didn't think anything was going to top last year's patent for our family. But I think I did it. I poured every ounce of creativity into this year's pages and I'm D-O-N-E. Next year, I'm slapping a picture on a piece of paper with our names and ages. If we have any additions to our family, maybe I'll include that too. But that's it.

So since Facebook played such a prominent role in facilitating the start of the Arab Spring back in early 2011 and since the Arab Spring played such a prominent role in our lives back in early 2011, we thought it would be appropriate to make Facebook pages for each member of our family. We present the Proffitt Family Facebook Pages of 2011. Click to enlarge.

Ho ho ho!

2011-12-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

The other night my friend Carly texted me and wanted to know how I got my kids to look so good (as in not ridiculous) in a photo. I had to tell her the truth. I'd be doing a disservice to parents of little kids by allowing them to believe that this was a "real" moment in time. This is what I call a Frankenstein photo- five faces pieced together from four different shots. Seriously, boys? We couldn't all face the same direction and ~~smile~~ not make fart faces at the same time for one shot? Thank you, Photoshop.

If you didn't get a card from us, it's probably because you hurt my feelings by giving me some back-handed compliment about the bowling ball-esque nature of my baby's head. Just kidding(ish). More likely, if you didn't get a card from us it's because I couldn't figure out how much postage to put on the envelope to make sure it got to Caracas or Konstanz or Taipei or Katmandu. True story, true story, true story and YES true story. Man, my family is well-travelled. Most likely though, if you didn't get a card from us it's because Facebook doesn't list addresses and I couldn't be bothered or bold enough to track yours down. I wish you a Merry Christmas anyways!

Christmas Pinning

2011-12-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of Pinterest? No, you haven't? It might be because you are male. Or because you have important things to get done. I'll break it down for you- Pinterest is a virtual pinboard where you can share ideas you find on the web and organize those ideas. You create collections of things you like and want to remember, things like crafts, recipes, cleaning tips, quotes, etc. It can be a whole lot of fun.... until you decide to go on a diet. In one afternoon, I saw recipe pins for oreos covered in cookie dough and an apple pie crust made from flattened cinnamon rolls. It's exactly that type of food insanity that forced me to take a Pinterest hiatus, at least until I'm done dieting. But not before I completed some Christmas pin projects...

First up, a Christmas card wreath. Idea found here.

I guess I was a little optimistic and made three wreaths instead of just one. Come on, folks! Christmas is in two weeks, get those cards in the mail so my wreath doesn't look so bare.
Materials needed- an embroidery hoop, clothespins, ribbon and a hot glue gun. Level of ease- pretty easy.

Next up, pencil monogram for a teacher appreciation gift. Idea found here, here and here, this one's all over Pinterest.

(Responsible parents do things like obscure the name of their kid's teacher on the interwebs, right? Sure.)
Materials needed- a shadow box (Michael's has buy one get one free right now), fabric or scrapbook paper (I used fabric), pencils, pencil sharpener, word strips (from the Dollar Store) and a hot glue gun. Level of ease- somewhat difficult but totally doable, especially if you have a husband who is willing to help saw pencils.

This one isn't really a project but I found the image on Pinterest so it sort of counts, right?

I used the free artwork found here to make Christmas gifts. You can download high resolution images of various LDS temples at that site. Print them, frame them, make a beer cozy. Or in my case, use this site to create ornaments for your tree.

Lastly, Elf on the Shelf ideas found here.

This one is sort of a Pinterest project fail is you ask me. The idea is that your mischievous little Elf gets into things while you're asleep at night. In this case, he's supposed to be taking a bubble bath in the sink. Except I only had half a bag of stale marshmallows in my pantry. The boys didn't care, they thought it was it hilarious.

What Pinterest projects have you been up to this holiday season?

If you want to make God laugh...

2011-12-11T15:30:00.001-08:00

... just tell Him your plans.

Take yesterday for example.

My plan: Wake up early to take family pictures. Set up my tripod and remote. Capture a magical, joyful, purely BLISSful moment that will make your face melt off when you open our Christmas card.
Reality: We sit around making fart noises while Ike throws a tantrum. Everyone (myself included) takes turns being goofy/uninterested/upset over something trivial. I'm going to have to photoshop some smiles onto some faces.

My plan: Drive up to Mesa to attend my nephew's baptism. Booker and Ike will be enrapt and demand to be baptized right then and there. They will be so disappointed when I tell them they have to wait until they're 8 years old.
Reality: Booker spends the entire time poking holes through the picture of Jesus that adorns the program. He also accidently draws on a hymn book. Ike loudly announces that he wants to go home. Several times. Mama Ginger gives Asher a tic tac container which he uses as a rattle to disturb everyone within a 20 foot radius of us.

My plan: Feed my kids a healthy lunch at my sister-in-law's house after the baptism.
Reality: My kids eat chocolate cake for lunch. That's it. Just chocolate cake. Then they spend several hours jumping on the trampoline.

My plan: Introduce Asher to his Uncle Danny for the first time. Danny will fall so deeply in love with his nephew that he will vow to leave behind his life on the streets. He will be there for every Christmas, birthday and first day of school.
Reality: Danny meets Asher and asks if he's overweight. Ike wanders into the room, "Hey Uncle Chris, I have to shoot you now." Ike shoots his uncle.

My plan: Get dinner at a nice restaurant and catch up with Danny.
Reality: Booker gets a migraine and throws up chocolate cake on the side of the road. We get dinner to go and eat in the car.

My plan: Take everyone to see the Christmas lights at the Mesa Temple. We are mesmerized. We are filled with peace. We are filled with good will for all mankind. We resolve to be kinder to each other.
My reality: Booker refuses to leave the car. I go so far as to drag his body out and try to force it into the stroller. He clutches his aching head and begs to stay behind. We leave Clark and Booker behind to hang out in the car.

My plan: We view the nativities. I teach Ike about the Savior's birth.
Reality: Ike jumps the line to view the nativities and tells Danny that they have to shoot the bad guys (the 3 wise men). We have to hurry through because he keeps grabbing the figurines.

My plan: Drive over to Phoenix to join my grandpa at his ward Christmas party. My kids will all be safely buckled in their seats as we drive.
Reality: Booker passes out on the floor of the car and I don't dare move him.

My plan: We crash my grandpa's ward Christmas party. His face lights up when he sees us all enter. We have a joyous time. He proudly introduces us to all his friends.
Reality: We show up and leave a sleeping Booker in the car with Clark. People give my pierced and tattooed brother quizzical looks. Booker wanders in with no shoes on, one sock, bed head and chocolate vomit smeared on his face. He is delirious and starving. We eat and leave the party early. I check to see if my grandpa's car will start. It doesn't. My kids are exhausted and crying. I try to reassure myself that someone else will be able to give him a jump when he's ready to leave.

My plan: Drive two hours home to Tucson snuggled up to Clark. All three boys fall asleep. There is peace. There is quiet. There are headphones and podcasts.
Reality: Drive two hours home to Tucson snuggled up to Clark. All three boys fall asleep. There is peace. There is quiet. There are headphones and podcasts.

Device for Moistening the Adhesive Coating on Postage Stamps and Envelopes

2011-12-08T11:33:00.001-08:00

It's that time of the year again... time to gift Clark's coworkers with a silly patent t-shirt. The years past have had some good t-shirts (2010, 2009, 2008) and it was difficult picking this year's winner. As usual, there were several good contenders. I was really leaning towards this one but decided not to go in that direction since two out of the three past t-shirts have been pet related. Who knew there were so many absurd patents out there for pets? Speaking of, this was another close contender. The fat girl in me wanted to go with this one (a fork with a digital display to count your number of bites) but in the end, they were all beat out by...

I enjoy this annual office tradition because I like contributing clothes to Clark's closet that I know he actually wears and loves. Just think, one more year and he can wear a different silly patent t-shirt Monday through Friday. According to him, his coworkers like it too and he often sees them wearing their shirts around the office. Patent pride, people, patent pride!

The Start of the Season

2011-12-01T11:51:00.001-08:00

I've been kicking a blog post around in my head for a few weeks now. It goes something like this...

- I kind of hate Christmas.
- It's all my mom's fault.
- The holiday season brought out the worst of her shopping addiction/hoarding habits.
- What is a socially acceptable number of lavishly decorated Christmas trees per household (or even per room) anyways? Because I think we exceeded that number by at least five every year.
- Me and Christmas? We have a rocky relationship.

But then it occurred to me that I have a bad habit of giving my mom way too much credit for all my issues. I need to either stop whining or get a therapist. Or, ideally, do both. Plus, who am I kidding? Having a mother with compulsive shopping and hoarding tendencies isn't so bad. Thanks to her I am now the proud owner of a KitchenAid mixer, a camcorder, several iPod docks, a dvd player, a sewing machine, a rocking Barbie collection and the list goes on and on and on. But the list does not include Christmas trees. Because that's where I draw the line. I had to do Christmas on my own terms and it took a few years into our marriage until I was ready to do so.

I'm slowly coming around. Or rather, my kids are slowly dragging me around. For them, Christmas is magical. Asher somehow manages to find his way to the Christmas tree no matter where I set him down and camps out under the lights and ornaments with wide eyes and happy grins. Ike and I have a daily routine that involves bringing his stuffed dog Bolt over to the tree so Ike can brag to Bolt, "this is the tree that I carved." (We carve pumpkins, we carve turkeys, we carve Christmas trees?!?) And Booker has patiently been salivating over all the unopened doors on our advent calendar for several days now.

As I gain more distance from the Christmases of childhood past and start establishing my own family traditions, I'm discovering that the holiday season doesn't have to be such an anxious time for me. It might even be sort of... fun and maybe even a little bit... magical. I even went so far as to purchase this (despite my reservations about it being described as a "blue-eyed north pole pixie elf." Ummmm, is Santa a racist?) And I find myself checking my Amazon account more than once a day to see when it's due to arrive.

Am I turning into my mother when it comes to Christmas? And would that really be such a bad thing? My mother had some crazy ideas when it came to celebrating holidays, but there's no arguing that her heart was in the right place. I used to resent her for being so maniacal about Christmas. Now I'm trying to simply focus on her extreme generosity, however misplaced it may have been. And more importantly, I'm trying to shed my Christmas baggage so my hands are free to build memories for my own kids. Memories that they will either recall fondly or relate to a therapist when they are grown (and frankly much too old to be whining about their "relationship" with Christmas). Hopefully the former.

Thanksgiving: Part Mesa

2011-11-29T11:28:00.001-08:00

It's no secret that I like Thanksgiving more than Christmas. This year was double the fun because we got to celebrate Thanksgiving twice. It was an "off" year so we celebrated on Friday instead of Thursday. As usual, we continued our tradition of the Proffitt Family Olympics. This year my brother Chris joined us.

Getting ready to compete in some Survivor style games...

For this game, we had to transport water to fill a bucket...

Looking for paperclips in a haystack...

And we ended the competition with a giant game of girls vs. boys dodgeball...

Plus there was a bouncy slide...

Chocolate covered pretzels...

Cousins to play with...

Horseshoes...

And best of all- perfect outdoor weather...

We ended the night with an outdoor movie. Next year I'll have to get a shot of all the delicious food. Thank you to the Garns and Dunyons for hosting yet another fun-filled Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving: Part Prescott

2011-11-28T14:14:00.001-08:00

On Thanksgiving day we drove up to Prescott to join my sister and her clients for a delicious meal that she cooked entirely on her own! It was amazing. I particularly loved the triple berry pie. I ate sugar and carbs for the first time in three weeks. My body quickly entered a strange state of shock... delicious, glorious, calorie laden shock.

After dinner we headed over to see Prescott's famous Valley of Lights.

The next morning, I tried and failed to get a good cousin shot. My camera had been sitting out in the cold car and steamed up when I brought it inside. Plus, Amara was having none of it.

Thank you Marie and Kyle for letting us crash your Thanksgiving!

Forget the turkey, bring on the fatted calf

2011-11-22T23:00:00.001-08:00

My brother Danny showed up after being gone for quite some time. We spoke on the phone. Sometimes when there are things too difficult or painful to say, I find it's best to make your kids do the talking for you. Ike told Danny he has curly hair just like him. Then he got off the phone and argued with Booker, insisting that Uncle Danny and Uncle Chris are one in the same. Booker remembers. Ike is confused. Asher has never met him.

What have we been up to?

2011-11-17T15:13:00.001-08:00

Oh, you know just...

Running half marathons

It's unfortunate that Clark crossed the finish line at the same time as all the family fun runners. Check out that lady texting and running at the same time. She sucks.

It's also unfortunate that Clark is married to someone who doesn't mind posting embarrassing photos of him on the web... bwahahaha.

Team of brother-in-laws. Cute.

Waiting at the finish line was tiring.

Throwing baby showers

... in Tucson on the same day as the half marathon which was in Phoenix. Somehow I was able to be in two places at once.

I have no shame in stealing other people's creative food ideas. Thank you Pinterest!

And a big thank you to Vicki, Renee, Robyn, Kati and everyone else who made this party so much fun!

Unfortunately, I was too distracted to get any photos of the adorable mom-to-be. Grrrrr. I'll just have to file away a mental picture of Cherise looking radiant in red.

Taking photos of cute families

Maybe if I busy myself taking other people's photos, I won't have to worry about my own. I hate getting family pictures taken.

And growing hair

Didn't I just cut this kid's hair?

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday Morning, aka Procrastination

2011-11-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

- I just sat down to write out my to-do list for the next few days. It has some unpleasant and tedious things on it. Time to blog, right?

- Last night during a discussion with the boys about what we can learn from the scriptures, Ike declared that "Jesus is spooky." Hmmmm. I blame Booker. Earlier he was explaining to me how Jesus uses "magic" to heal sick people. That conversation plus too many episodes of Scooby Doo may have caused some confusion for Ike.

- Clark started a fun new tradition in our home- the talking throne. Whomever is sitting in the talking throne (the recliner) gets to speak uninterrupted about whatever they want. I wish I had video of Ike on the throne last night as he timidly prattled on and on and on and on and on. "I... love... couches. Uhhhhh. I... love... babysitters. Mmmmm. I... love... puppies." We finally had to cut him off to get ready for bed.

- Here's a video I enjoyed watching. It has a wonderful message. It also has a shot of this young Bishop standing in the foyer of the Hyde Park Ward. It brought back a flood of happy memories for me. I turned 12 and started attending Young Women while we lived in London. This man explains that his knowledge of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon came gradually. Little experiences here and there, accompanied by the Spirit. I'm grateful for the small experiences I had as a youth that helped build the foundation of my own testimony.

- For my birthday, I asked my sister to give me some of her favorite skin care products. She did and my skin is looking better already. Thank you, Marie! It was a sad day when I realized that I'm getting old and I can't continue to use the same products I was using when I was 15. Noxzema doesn't touch my adult acne. Sigh. Have you got any good skin care tips to share?

- This picture warms my heart. My husband, the inventor. Last night, I curled up under the covers while the scent of soldering iron wafted through the room. Memories like these are dear to my heart.

- I'm on Day 5 of a no sugar, no carb, no dairy and worst of all, NO SODA diet. It's been really hard. I've always been a huge fan of Weight Watchers and I always will be, but I'm trying to switch things up. Even on WW, I was eating a lot of junk food. It's amazing what effects bad (and good) food will have on your body. Got any favorite recipes that involve lean meat and vegetables? I might even get brave and start incorporating more fish into my diet.

- Speaking of my beloved soda, I saw one of these at the Five Guys in the Atlanta airport. I want one for my kitchen. Here's an article that reviews all 127 different flavor combinations. I'd kill for a cherry coke zero right now.

- Lastly, it seems like I've been having a certain conversation with Clark over and over again lately. It starts with me complaining about how I dislike having any responsibilities outside the walls of my home and ends with Clark reminding me that it's good for me to get out of my comfort zone. I can handle the pressure of three little boys relying me, but my anxiety grows and grows with each new church assignment, photography shoot, drawing project, classroom responsibility etc. that I add to my plate. If I were the breadwinner for our family, I would probably die of a stress induced heart attack. I need to remind myself that it's good to have other people relying on you. How else can I expect to grow and change? On the flip side, I'm trying to master the art of saying no. It's a hard balance to strike. I have a lot of room for improvement. Here's to a holiday season that has the perfect balance of serving others while still creating happy and lasting memories with my own little family.

Halloween and Birthday Love

2011-11-01T10:53:00.000-07:00

Halloween is a great day to have your birthday. If you absolutely have to get older, I say do it on a day when everyone is hopped up on sugar and distracted by kids in cute costumes. It's fabulous.

When it comes to birthdays, I like to keep my expectations low. This year, my mom remembered to call me and we had a really nice conversation. I could have declared a birthday win right then and there, but there was so much more. Clark took the day off work, made arrangements for the kids to go somewhere, booked me a massage and met me in town for lunch. I felt like we were young and dating again. Why did we decide to have children?

Oh now I remember. So we can dress them up like this...

... and parade them around at our neighborhood block party. Our neighborhood rocks. A few emails later and we've got a super fun potluck dinner, some fireworks, a movie projection and all the candy you could dream of.

Ike looks rather sinister with that mustache. After watching me paint Booker's face, he insisted that Woody have his face painted too.

(I should show this entire series of photos. Ike is sitting in front of our neighbor, Cannen who is dressed as a zombie football player. Ike's eyes are wide with fear and glued to Cannen the whole time).

Once dark, we headed out trick-or-treating. Actually, we just went around the block once. That took about 45 minutes and earned the boys enough candy to last them a week. Did I mention how much our neighborhood rocks?

Asher was eggggggggg-zausted. But this tootsie roll "chew toy" kept him awake until we got home...

...where I forced my children to sing to me and watch me blow out a candle on a slice of pumpkin pecan cheesecake (which I did not share and may have finished off for breakfast this morning). PUMPKIN PECAN CHEESECAKE!!! It was two of my favorite types of pie in one slice. Heavenly.

Thanks to all who made my birthday feel so special!

Halloweekend

2011-11-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've got a major Halloween hangover. It feels like we've been celebrating Halloween for several days now. On Friday, we carved our pumpkins (which was too soon- by Monday they were soft and moldy). Booker and Ike loved the Angry Birds idea. I loved it because they were easy to carve.

Then we got dressed up for the Howl-o-ween party at the zoo. I've had many occasions to be thankful for our zoo membership. Getting into the party half an hour early was just another one. I swear it felt like the entire city of Tucson showed up to the zoo that night.

Booker received MANY compliments on his Pinnochio costume. Too bad he wouldn't agree to wear it again for trick-or-treating.

Up next, Halloween day and my birthday!

Phoenix Children's Museum

2011-10-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

Last week was Fall Break and I was determined to plan one fun activity for my kids amidst all boring and lame-o cleaning/doctor's appointments/whatever I had to get done. So we drove up to Phoenix to meet my sister halfway for a fun cousin play date.

We spent the afternoon at the Phoenix Children's Museum and although it's a little pricey, it was really fun. When you first walk in, you're greeted by the coolest treehouse climbing structure thingie. It's three stories high with lots of nooks and crannies. The boys LOVED it.

There was an entire room dedicated to building forts. A foam noodle forest. A kid-sized grocery store. And a whole slew of inventive and fun things for kids to do. Thanks for the fun afternoon Marie and Amara!

Here's a slideshow with more pics.

Marshmellow Punkins

2011-10-12T15:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Pinterest, You make FHE treats more fun.

Dear Chocolate, What is the trick to keep you from seizing up when melting you?

Dear Marshmellows, You are gross even when covered in Ghirardelli's. And even grosser with tootsie rolls pasted on. Bleh. But the kids LOVE you.

I can't wait for Halloween.

A-Camping We Will Go

2011-10-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Over General Conference weekend, we joined our friends the Glausers on a camping and fishing adventure. Aside from Girls' Camp, I've never really done the whole no running water and no toilets type of camping. And let me tell you, if you're well prepared then it's a blast. Good thing we were well prepared. It rained, it hailed and we still had a ton of fun.

Ike and his best buddy Porter.

Gorgeous...

Asher chillin' like a villian...

Booker liked the idea of fishing. When it came time to reel them in and take them off the hook, he was no where to be found.

A nearby view from our campsite...

During the Sunday afternoon session, it rained and hailed. So we piled into the car to wait it out.

While dinner cooked on the campfire. It was pretty cozy...

Minutes before hopping in the car to drive 3 hours back home, Booker face-planted in a puddle. Good timing, buddy!

Thank you Glausers for the fun-packed weekend!

Booker Bean Blog Makeover

2011-10-10T01:16:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a little sad about the state of affairs over on the boys' blog. Poor, poor Asher. He's nearly six months old and compared to his brothers at the same age, he has just a fraction of blog entries dedicated to him. I'm changing my ways. I'm going to do better. Starting with a blog makeover. Head on over and check it out.

Next up, a Big Red Flat makeover. According to my header, my cactus is still pregnant.

Think Pink: BRCA Edition

2011-10-05T18:02:00.000-07:00

Oh October. Breast Cancer Awareness month. This time of year you simply cannot go to the store without seeing PINK. From toasters to pistols to Mr. Spongebob himself. It's everywhere. And all that pink serves as a gnawing reminder to me. Although the month of October shines a pretty big spotlight on breast cancer for everyone else, I've got breast cancer on my mind all year long.

I've been digging through my archives trying to get a better grasp on my own fraught relationship with cancer, with my breasts and ovaries, with my mother. From finding out that my mom had cancer, to the ethics of patenting genes (one that happens to run in the family), to her treatment, to pink rodeos, to wig humor, to pink pyramids (both here and here), to ululating Egyptian survivors, it's been quite the roller coaster ride. And then I hopped off my mom's roller coaster and got on my own. From getting the results back from my genetic testing to starting the screening process... it's been an interesting ride to say the least.

It's been nearly two years since I found out that I have a heightened risk of breast and ovarian cancer. From my interactions with doctors and nurses to friends and acquaintances, I've had the chance to answer some difficult questions. In no particular order, here are some of the most oft asked questions and/or remarks someone has after finding out I'm BRCA2 positive.

We'll begin with the most common and sometimes most infuriating...

So you're BRCA positive? Awesome, free boob job right?

Yes and no. While insurance companies generally cover the costs associated with mastectomy and reconstructive surgery, these surgeries do not equal a boob job. In most cases, reconstruction involves more than one surgery. It's take months and sometimes years before you have completed reconstruction. You are left with disfiguring scars that run from your nipple to your armpit. If you're lucky (like my mom) you can keep your original nipples. If you're not, say goodbye to real nipples and hello to nipple tattoos. Yup, you read that right... nipple tattoos. You can also say goodbye to sensation in that whole area due to nerve damage. Sound like a good deal? I don't think so.

So you have an 87% chance of getting breast cancer. That means there's a 13% chance you won't get it. Why focus on the negative? You could be one of the lucky ones.

Here's how I see it. What would you do if someone told you that you had an 87% chance of being in a plane crash over the course of your lifetime? In the best case scenario, you get lucky and don't get in a plane crash. In a less than best case scenario, your plane goes down but you survive. You suffer some broken limbs that will eventually heal and a bad case of PTSD. Worst case scenario, your plane goes down and you die. It's sure convenient to travel by plane, but I've decided I'd rather not gamble with my life. I'll be traveling by car, train and boat from here on out.

So you're thinking about getting a preventative mastectomy eventually. You want to remove healthy body parts that may never develop cancer? That seems crazy.

To you maybe, to me not so much. I have a nearly 90% chance of getting a disease I know I can prevent if I get this surgery. What's crazier? Getting cancer when you didn't have to or having a surgery to avoid that? Surgery sucks, but cancer takes the cake. I've seen it up close and personal and that is something I want to avoid at all costs.

What if you get surgery and die of something else?

Well, that's the point isn't it? To not die of breast cancer. I'm not trying to cheat death. I just don't want to spend whatever time I have on this earth dealing with breast cancer.

So if you had brain cancer, would you remove your brain?

No you idiot, because you need your brain to live. I'll remove my breasts because I can live (both figuratively and literally) without them.

But you're so young. Why worry about this now?

I am young and I really wish I didn't have to worry about this now. Last week, a mother of two emailed me and told me her story. She found a lump in her breast while she was pregnant. She was 32. I've heard countless stories similar to hers. Young women get breast cancer and young women with the gene especially get breast cancer. Recent studies have shown that they get cancer an average of six years earlier than the previous generation. When breast cancer survivors find out that I carry the gene they either urge me to stay vigilant with my screening or just jump the gun and tell me to cut those suckers off. I appreciate their perspective. If I'm going to listen to anyone, it's going to be them.

Why would you continue to have children when you you know you can pass this gene onto them?

This one takes me aback when I'm faced with it. Frankly, I'm not sure how to answer. It's maddening. It's painful. Worst of all, it's conflicting for me. For now (to make myself feel better) I cling to the fact that I've been "blessed" with three boys. I'm not sure how I'll feel if I ever get the little girl that my heart yearns for.

Most often asked by my doctors: so are you done having kids yet?

I see a gynecological oncologist every six months or so. She's the one in charge of making sure I don't get ovarian cancer. She's a tiny little Asian lady with a very gruff personality. She's always eager to know if I'm done having kids yet so we can get those ovaries out. In many ways, ovarian cancer is more frightening than breast cancer. It's very difficult to detect and once detected, it's usually pretty well advanced. I can see the look of exasperation on her face every time I tell her no. It's difficult explaining deeply personal family choices to your close friends, try doing it to a doctor you hardly know. It's not fun.

And speaking of deeply personal family choices...

I've been confronted before about why I gave up graduate school and decided to have children so soon after getting married. Mostly by my husband who wanted me to go to school but eventually took a leap of faith with me (after much begging and pleading on my part). I wanted babies more than anything in the world. It was inexplicable. It was frightening. I felt a real sense of urgency about starting my family. I never knew why but it was a feeling I wanted desperately to ignore but could not.

Knowing now that my ovaries essentially have an expiration date on them (35 years old according to the medical community, but obviously the decision is mine to make), I'm glad I got a head start on my family. Many women are not as lucky as I am. Many women learn they have the gene later on in life and are forced to remove their ovaries before they have a chance to use them (something this woman grapples with in this movie trailer). It's a difficult decision to make to begin with but I can't imagine losing both my ovaries and my hopes for a family in one single blow. There is a reason I started having kids at an early age. The pieces of my life's puzzle are coming together. I'm grateful for each small glimpse I get of the big picture.

Phew. Heavy stuff. On a lighter note, in celebration of having completed my first mammogram last week, I think I'll make these "mammo-graham" desserts. Enjoy the rest of Breast Cancer Awareness month!

Pentagon Memorial

2011-10-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

The last stop on my little tour of DC was the Pentagon Memorial. To honor the 184 victims who died at the Pentagon on September 11th, 184 illuminated benches have been arranged according to each victim's birth year. For those victims who died inside the building, their bench slopes into the Pentagon. For those who died on AA Flight 77, their bench slopes out toward the skyline. All the benches are aligned at the same angle that the plane hit. It is a beautiful and well thought out tribute. I'm so glad I had the chance to visit it.

Because it was the day before the 10th anniversary of the attacks, they were setting up for a memorial service. The Army Band was busy practicing for the next day's events.

This was an ad inside the Metro station. Only at the Pentagon will you see ads for weapons and missile systems!

Museum of American Art and the National Portrait Gallery

2011-09-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

The Museum of American Art and the National Portrait Gallery are housed in the same building, the same building that used to be the Old Patent Office Building. And what a beautiful building it is.

We were hoping to catch a peek of some conservators hard at work at the Lunder Conservation Center, but alas it was a Saturday and all the art labs were closed. We peeked around at them anyway.

Then we wandered around the Luce Foundation which is essentially an art storage facility that is open to the public. Stumbling upon some cool treasures like a piece from Bauhaus artist Laszlo Moholy-Nagy... just hanging out in STORAGE!

And you know, Paul Manship sculptures just hanging out in front of empty classrooms...

Then we moved onto the museum proper, where we saw some cool modern stuff like this horse that looks like it's made of drift wood but it's actually cast iron and a cool and very trippy installation piece from David Hockney.

Grrr, crappy phone pic.

And the Electronic Superhighway did not disappoint...

Clark is always wondering who my favorite artist is and it's impossible to pick just one, but I'd say John Singer Sargent is definitely in my top 15. He makes my heart skip a beat.

Maynard Dixon is probably in my top 30. He's got ties to both Utah (Mt. Carmel, where he kept his studio) and Tucson (where he died). Plus how cool is that painting?

Chinatown

2011-09-29T17:33:00.001-07:00

The next day, my parents decided to join me and Asher as we toured. I liked having my dad around because he was always willing to walk with a fussy baby while I rested my feet.

We began the day with a quick trip to Chinatown because I had never tried dim sum before.

I was trying to take this photo discretely (hence the blurriness). Two fat ladies in wheelchairs waiting for the bus makes me laugh.

Up next, the Museum of American Art and National Portrait Gallery.

Museum of American History

2011-09-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

After spending most of the day at the National Gallery, I was pretty pooped as I walked back to the Metro station. Unfortunately, to get back to the Metro I had to walk past fifty million other museums and I just couldn't stay out. I popped into the Museum of American History and grabbed a highlights guide.

Mostly I just wanted to see the First Ladies Exhibit which showcases the inaugural gowns from Mamie Eisenhower up to Michelle Obama (and the inaugural shoes and jewels too!) It. was. awesome.

Michelle Obama's inaugural gown. Those Jimmy Choos off to the right are a size 11.

Hillay Clinton's dress on the left, Laura Bush's on the right.

Next we visited Julia Child's kitchen.

Asher was nonplussed.

I saw Catwoman's suit. It was snazzy.

Some original Muppets.

And THE ruby red slippers.

I was feeling guilty for skipping Thomas Edison's light bulb and decided I needed more history and less pop culture, so I popped in to see the Star-Spangled Banner which was... very large. And so old and fragile that photography is not allowed.

The National Gallery

2011-09-22T13:44:00.001-07:00

Have I ever told you about the time I was offered a place in a graduate program for Museum Studies? And not just that, offered an assistantship and a stipend!?! Real live professionals in the field had decided to pay me to come and study all things museum-related. Clark was going to transfer law schools and the two of us were to going to move across the country to live under a mountain of snow and books in Syracuse, New York. Two studious students, studying law and art. It was a dream come true.

No, I never told you about that? Perhaps because I don't like to dwell on it. It pokes at a tender little place in my heart. A place that sits right next to the huge space of my heart reserved for my kids. You see, I turned down the offer. I got pregnant and although we tried our best to work out an arrangement where I could attend school, work and be a new mom, it didn't feel right. I kissed it all goodbye and told myself that for everything there is a season. Turn turn turn.

Right now I'm in the season of raising babies, but I know a time will come (much too soon) when they are gone and I'll face a new season. I'm grateful that life is long. I'll get my master's degree one day. Until then, I'm getting my training in something else. Something far less glamorous but important to me none the less.

The point is, I love art museums. I love art museums almost as much as I love my kids. In fact, on days like today when Asher cries endlessly for no apparent reason, I love art museums more than my kids. I love art museums so much, I got married in one!

So when I found myself in DC with a free day all to myself, the first thing I did was book it to the National Gallery. When I walked through those doors, I felt like I had entered hallowed ground. The last time I was in the National Gallery was over 10 years ago. I was living in Boston and had gone down to visit my parents who were living in DC at the time. My mom told me she would take me anywhere I wanted to go. We spent an afternoon together wandering around the National Gallery, just the two of us. It is one of the fondest memories I have with my mother. She took me to the gift shop afterwards and bought me several prints of the paintings we had just seen. It's likely that my mother has no recollection of that afternoon, but I remember it so well.

My latest trip to the National Gallery was absolutely lovely. It was a rainy day and Asher was such an agreeable little companion. I love visiting a museum by myself so I can set my own pace. Between the National Gallery and the Museum of American Art the following day, I saw at least one thing from all my favorites except for Velazquez and Duchamp. So basically they've got an awesome and comprehensive collection but you can't have it all.

Asher with Max Ernst!

Gigantic Calder sculpture!

Lichtenstein!

I hung a postcard of this painting on my bedroom wall when I was in high school... right next to my Leonardo DiCaprio poster. A true fat girl at heart. Speaking of things hanging on the walls of my room during high school, why didn't anyone tell me it's a little odd to have a collage of Georgia O'Keeffe's enlarged flower paintings adorning my wall? Good thing I never had to worry about having boys in my room. Potentially awkward.

Matisse!!!

Matisse with scale!

Manet! Taken with my phone... boo.

Double Gauguin!!

A whole room full of Calder sculptures!

Rothko!

A Pollock that I didn't hate!

Even the walkway between the East and West building was beautiful.

Up next... MORE MUSEUMS!!!

It Was Very Official

2011-09-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

My dad's swearing in ceremony was awesome. A little nerve-wracking, but awesome. It went something like this...

Stand here, don't stand there. Take pictures in this room, but not in that room. Smile. Be polite and gracious. Don't offend the Kuwaiti dignataries (shoot, I'm pretty sure it was rude when I told them that Kuwait was my second favorite place to live. Um, hello London?!?) Shake lots of hands and listen to a whole bunch of people tell you how incredible and amazing and fantastic your dad is. Which was a little weird, because you know... duh.

I was so nervous and distracted that I forgot to take my camera off manual focus until about half way through the ceremony. Doh!

Official papers... that Asher nearly drooled on.

The signing of the official papers...

Remarks by my dad about how important Kuwaiti-American relations are. A summary of his remarks? "Um, this is the third time we've lived in Kuwait. So don't worry. I know what I'm doing." Actually, that's not what he said. At all. My dad's too humble for that. But really, he's totally the right guy for the job.

My grandma listening to his remarks.

Lots of applause for my dad. Really? This guy? I guess so.

Then my parents stood in a receiving line in order to receive many congratulations...

And we had some great blasts from the past. Like meeting back up with the Tysons. We shared a duplex with the Tysons when we lived in Kuwait back in 91-94. Susan is one of the coolest ladies ever and not just because her brother is the drummer for the Black Crowes. She's also cool because she let me watch Madonna music videos on her side of the house and she didn't tell my mom when she caught me sitting on her wall throwing rocks at passing cars.

My dad's cousin Ronde and her husband Dave were there as well and they brought a totally awesome picture of me with the world's worst haircut. I would be mad at my mom for giving me such awful haircuts but then I remembered that I was the one giving myself haircuts anytime I got my hands on a pair of scissors. My grandma is aghast.

Asher slobbered all over my grandma...

Americans and Kuwaitis... getting down to business.

David was the official baby holder...

Love this.

This is a pic of my grandma checking out a portrait of Madeleine Albright, which strikes me as funny for some reason.

I'm so glad I was able to be at my dad's ceremony. I owe a big thanks to Clark for holding down the fort while I was gone and my friends Kati and Karlee for taking my kids during the day. Thank you for making this trip possible for me!

I've always known that my dad is one outstanding guy but it was neat to hear it from other people. I'm so excited for this next chapter in his career. We're still reeling from our last trip overseas, but I really hope that in a year or two I can bring my kids to Kuwait and show them around my second favorite childhood home. Congratulations dad! We are so proud of you.

Washington D.C.

2011-09-19T13:27:00.000-07:00

This trip to Washington D.C. was really fun for me for many reasons...

- My dad's swearing in ceremony. More on that later. But for now, I'll just quote my brother David who (when his wife asked how it went) said "it was very official."

- Familiar territory. Washington is a great town and one I feel somewhat acquainted with. The fact that we stayed at the Marriott Residence Inn made it even more familiar. That was our home away from home when we came back to the states and spent our summers in Northern Virginia. There was some nostalgia, especially as we sat in the State Department lobby looking at all those flags.

- MUSEUMS, MUSEUMS, MUSEUMS.

- Traveling solo. Well, for the most part. Asher is a great traveling companion. Besides food and sleep, he needs very little. None of this I'm bored when can we go? business from him. I did what I wanted when I wanted for as long as I wanted! One of my favorite moments from the trip was eating lunch "alone" (with Asher sitting in his stroller next to me) at the National Gallery. My goat cheese artichoke pizza was good but the best part was that I ate totally uninterrupted, with no where to be and no one else to feed. Bliss.

Asher is a traveling pro. Plus, he's super cute as the only baby riding the metro...

And the whitest baby in Chinatown. Little dumpling head.

Alright, let the D.C. blogging begin...

Sibling Love

2011-09-19T13:18:00.000-07:00

Alright, this might be the last of it from Utah. Next up, my trip to Washington D.C. Just a couple of photos of my siblings. Honestly, I wished we had tried harder to get a decent (and not strangely lit) photo of us but maybe it wasn't meant to be. Perhaps the next sibling photo will be a complete one with the five of us.

Can you tell which one was taken first thing in the morning? Don't look to Chris for any clues, that kid wears his pajamas pants no matter what time of day it is...

Tueller Family Gathering

2011-09-19T12:58:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad we had a family dinner on Sunday afternoon. This was two weeks ago, so I don't remember much but I do remember that it was tons of fun and it was so good to see my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Booker had a ball with Will (his first cousin once removed?) and Harry (his second cousin?)

We watched some You Tube videos together and it was more fun watching my Grandpa than watching the actual video.

And my cousin Jacob loves babies. Who knew?

It's totally worth watching the slideshow (here) to see more pics of my strange awkward hilarious and awesome college-aged boy cousins and brothers...

Yuna Asher Cuteness

2011-09-19T12:51:00.000-07:00

The thought of all these cute Yuna-Asher photos never seeing the light of... a computer screen is making me sad so I'm throwing them up here.

Slideshow here.

Baba and Grandkids

2011-09-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

More Baba and grandkid photos here.

Yuna's Blessing

2011-09-14T14:10:00.001-07:00

Oh Yuna, you have a special place in my heart and I'm so glad I was there for your baby blessing. You are loved... on this side of the world and on the other and if you move away to Japan I will cry my eyes out for months and months and months.

I'm too lazy to sort through all these photos so I uploaded the whole lot. Here are the highlights...

The Tueller clan. When did my cousins Emma, Sarah and Maren turn into such beautiful young women!?!

My brother and his family. How did my brother get so lucky? This is Yuna's anime smile. Anyone else dying for this photo? My sister-in-law Yaya is so radiant and Yuna looks just like her mom here.

Loving my Grandma here...

My grandparents with their two latest great-grandkids...

Asher is definitely teething. Hands in his mouth in every shot...

Baba and Mama De with Yuna...

Maybe Yuna is teething too...

Getting three babies to look in the same direction is tough...

Gorgeous...

More photos seen here.

Sheepdog Competition

2011-09-13T12:49:00.000-07:00

After the race we hurried home to shower and get ready to head on over to the Soldier Hollow Classic, the World's Foremost Sheepdog Competition. Clark always pokes fun at my family and our affinity for events such as these. If there is a rodeo, a parade or a festival devoted to ostriches and/or llamas within 50 miles you can count on the Tueller clan attending.

My theory is that we're so used to living in foreign countries and being a "tourist" in those countries, that when we're back home we gravitate towards these unusual events to recreate that same feeling of being an outsider. We can be tourists in our own backyard. And let me tell you, people watching at the Soldier Hollow Classic is just as intriguing as people watching at the Sirkeci Train Station in Istanbul or Al Azhar Park in Cairo. Plus, who doesn't love funnel cake? No one. That's who.

The first event we watched was the Dock Diving Dogs Competition...

There is no such thing as too many Yuna pics...

Then we hit up the petting zoo...

My brothers have a thing for drinks that come in fancy bottles, in this case, homemade root beer...

Then the Bow Wow Luau Dog Acrobatics Show...

Then the main event, the actual sheep-herding which was super impressive...

Sheep are dumb, dogs are smart. That's how this thing works...

We watched one dog perform really well and then in the last second he nipped a sheep trying to corral it in the gate. He was disqualified. It was heartbreaking.

Amara and Baba...

We had no idea that Ike had an ear infection and a burst eardrum. Looking back, he did ask for an unusual amount of "huggies" that day. Poor kid...

Isn't my sister beautiful? I think so...

It was a full day...

At the end of the day we headed back to Provo. I was supposed to take my little brother to a Blink 182 concert for his 18th birthday that evening but I was way too pooped. Instead I joined Clark and the boys...

Utah Fun

2011-09-13T09:05:00.001-07:00

Holy blog-a-mole, I've got some catching up to do. I've spent the last two weekends in Utah and Washington D.C. respectively and my camera is overflowing with pictures. I'm finally back at home, laundry is caught up, floors mopped, fridge is stocked and I'm ready to blog. But I can't get ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning...

So over labor day weekend, we made a quick (really quick- arrived on Friday afternoon and left on Monday morning) trip up to Provo to see my parents/siblings and most importantly to FINALLY meet Yuna. It was a great trip. Clark and I are always surprised with the fondness we feel towards Provo. It brings back some great memories of our days at BYU. Plus, Utah really is such a beautiful state.

On Friday afternoon we had a quick visit with our dearly missed friends, the Monsons.

Booker and Ike wasted no time getting super dirty with Sky and Thais.

I got to meet Baby Grace. She is gorgeous and oh so tiny compared to Asher.

After a great (and much too short) visit, we headed back to my parents' house so I could get to bed early. I needed to rest up for my big race the next morning. I was nursing a terrible cold the entire weekend.

The next morning we all headed over to Orem High for a "fun" 5K run. This was my first race and I was super nervous. Yes yes, I know everyone else and their grandmother can run a 5K in their sleep. Yes yes, I know I was "running" at the same pace my dad usually walks. But I don't care. My only goal was to NOT WALK and I accomplished that. Plus I ran it in 6 minutes less than what I had been doing the previous week. I'm proud of myself.

The runners before the race. My brother-in-law Kyle, my dad and myself. The race description promised a run course through beautiful downtown Orem. We never did see beautiful downtown Orem, but Mt. Timp sure looked nice.

My dad was way too excited about all this running business. He did a great job "encouraging" me throughout the race. Every time he said something, I just turned my music up louder. He kept trying to get me to run faster. I was just trying to breathe through all the snot in my head.

Booker met me at the finish line with silly string.

Kyle ran the race with a bum knee!

He got silly stringed as well.

Thanks for motivating me, Baba and for not leaving me behind in the dust.

Runners after the race.

Even my favorite little Yuna-corn came out to support us. She left her mustache at home.

Despite my head cold, I felt awesome after the race. I just might start believing all those crazy running folks who always try to convince us non-running folks that running is addictive. I had a pretty good high after that little race and not just because they gave me free pistachio flavored frozen yogurt. There might be more races in my future.

Coming up next: a sheepdog competition, Yuna's baby blessing and more...

Ike's Third Birthday

2011-08-28T16:39:00.000-07:00

On this day three years ago, Mr. Teichert Blaine came into our lives. In the wee hours of the morning on my fourth day of being overdue, I finally went into labor. Twelve hours later, I held him in my arms for a few minutes before he was taken away to the NICU. As soon as he is old enough to appreciate this, I will remind him that on his way into the world he inhaled his own poop and had to spend several days in the care unit as a result. Ike has a great sense of humor and I imagine he won't mind when his brothers start calling him poo-eater. Speaking of nick names, I wanted to call him Ty but Clark insisted on Ike. Named after one of my favorite artists and my beloved Grandpa, Ike has some big shoes to fill.

Last night I snuck into Ike's room to take one last picture of my two year old boy. Ike has a bed. A nice little toddler bed with some cute Pottery Barn bedding. Does he sleep in it? No. He sleeps on the floor. Occasionally he sleeps inside his closet. Sometimes he lets me put a quilt under him, but mostly he prefers to sleep directly on the floor.

Ike loves breakfast foods. Pancakes, sausages, eggs. He gobbles it all up. He otherwise shows very little interest in food. This morning we made him German pancakes and let him have all the powdered sugar and syrup he wanted. My apologies to his nursery leaders.

Ike will only wear basketball shorts. He has a drawer full of cute and stylish little pairs of shorts but he refuses to wear them. Getting him dressed for church each week is a battle. This afternoon when we got home from church and Ike discovered that all of his basketball shorts were dirty, Booker kindly (and rather unexpectedly) allowed Ike to wear one of his pairs. Hence the oversized basketball shorts.

Before opening presents, we made Ike eat dinner. He ate so fast that he threw up everywhere. He recovered pretty quickly...

Ike worships the ground that Booker walks on. We decided on a repeat of presents for Ike- his gifts are the same ones Booker got three weeks ago. A collection of nerf guns and a pillow pet. Ike was THRILLED.

Ike is always reminding us that his favorite color is green. I suspect that his actual favorite color is blue but since Booker has already laid claim to that favorite color, Ike has settled on green. A green pillow pet for my little peacemaker.

Now that Booker has started school, Ike is allowed to be a three year old again. With his older brother gone, Ike's been choosing shows like Blue's Clues and Dora instead of Avatar and Spongebob. He's playing more with blocks and stuffed animals and less with light sabers. I'm glad to have my little guy back again. I took him to Walmart to pick a cake (poor second child, my cake-making skills were exhausted a few weeks ago) and Ike picked a Thomas cake. I was so glad. I thought surely he would be excited about a Spiderman cake, but nope, he wanted Thomas.

Typical thunder-stealing Booker...

Ike, you really are the sweetest kid I know. If my boys were a banana-peanut butter-nutella sandwich, Ike would be the delicious middle sandwiched between these two crazy guys...

We love you so much, Ike. Happy birthday!

Phone Snapshots

2011-08-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have an app on my phone that will automatically upload any picture or video I take with my phone to an online Photobucket account. Every picture message that I send or funny little interaction between the boys that I capture automatically gets saved online. Often I'll browse through it for kicks and while some of it isn't exactly blog-worthy, it's a fun little glimpse into my life.

From chatty babies...

To beat-boxing Hasidic Jewish rappers...

To wiping bums during Senate Foreign Relations Committees...

Sick kids...

Well kids...

The paranormal...

The mundane...

And the beautiful...

What do your phone pics say about you?

Happy Birthday Booker!

2011-08-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, at 39 weeks pregnant, I came into the hospital so my doctor could try and flip the breech baby boy growing inside my belly. The doctor pushed and pulled and shoved and leaned and prodded and even stood on a step stool to get more leverage. Man, was that uncomfortable. But that baby boy wouldn't budge. A few hours and one major incision later, that little guy was finally in my arms. What a happy day it was for me and Clark. What a telling sign that Booker would be a headstrong, sometimes backwards, always exciting little human being. Happy birthday buddy!

Booker's second day of school went a little better than the first. It had to, right? It was his birthday! It was also his first day on the bus.

I met him for lunch in the cafeteria and it was fun to sit with his class and eat. I was reminded of just how young these kids are when his classmates kept asking me to open their milk/crackers/fruit snacks/etc.

Then I headed home to start working on his cake. Booker was very specific and asked for a blue light saber crossed with a red one. And he wanted Jango Fett on there somewhere. This cake wasn't too hard, especially for a cake making novice like myself. I found the idea here.

When I picked him up from the bus stop, he looked like this. I hope none of the older kids on the bus made fun of him.

And then we waited and waited until Clark came home. I let Booker determine the order of the evening and naturally, he wanted to open presents first. His gifts were some Nerf guns and a pillow pet. Someone was selling their Nerf gun collection on Craigslist, so we are fully loaded up. We invite any and all neighborhood children over for a Nerf battle.

I will never understand this whole pillow pet craze.

Then we headed downstairs for dinner. I told Booker he could have whatever he wanted for dinner and he asked for chicken stew. Not pizza or corn dogs or mac and cheese. Just chicken stew. I decided to spice things up a bit with some Yoda Soda.

We played a rousing game of Chutes and Ladders during dinner.

After dinner, there were several Nerf battles.

And then cake.

He wanted the Jango Fett piece.

Yummy.

We ended the evening with a night time dip in the pool, which is one of Booker's favorite things to do. He thinks the pool is pretty neat with the underwater pool light on. It was a good day for a night time swim because earlier in the afternoon, Ike started swimming in the deep end. He was able to show off for all of us.

Booker had a great day. He didn't seem to mind at all that it was a family birthday party and not a friend one. He's so excited to be five because according to him, "fives-years-olds" know how to read, button their church shirts and wipe their own bums. I'm especially excited about that last one.

This morning, I was looking forward to sending Booker off to his third and hopefully first "normal" day of school, but he woke up complaining that his stomach hurt. He threw up all over my bed naturally and then fell asleep next to the toilet. And he's now spent the morning falling asleep all over the house. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

That is one wiped out birthday kid. Happy birthday, Booker. We love you so much!

Booker's First Day

2011-08-09T11:39:00.001-07:00

Booker's first day of school wasn't exactly rainbows and lollipops. Kindergarten can be a rude awakening from the sweet comforts of preschool.

At the end of the day, I picked him up in the school cafeteria among a chaotic sea of students and parents (maybe some teachers, but I didn't see any). He looked like he had been holding back tears for the last 6 hours but he wouldn't talk to me about it. He wouldn't talk to me. At all. For hours. He was silent. He offered one piece of information about his day: he sat at a table with a boy named Michael who liked to go by Big Mike. Big Mike?!? What is this, kindergarten or prison? Yikes.

On the drive to the ice cream place, he was not himself. He kept trying to curl up (à la fetal position) in his car seat. Once we got ice cream, he took two bites, forced a smile and then resumed the fetal position on the bench.

Once we got home, he needed an hour to himself. I gave him some aspirin because his head was hurting, he lay on the couch and we didn't talk about school at all. Ten minutes of playing Wii and he was starting to resemble the old Booker. Maybe my dad can confirm this, but I think I had a similar de-stressing routine when I was in kindergarten. Although mine involved standing outside the front door and screaming at the top of my lungs for ten minutes before my mom would let me in the house. I remember trying so hard to be obedient and quiet and good and perfect at school that when I got home, I had to let it all out. In the form of screaming. I wonder what the neighbors thought.

Anyways, I suggested that we go swimming and once he was in the pool, Booker started to volunteer some information.

He started with, "Hey mom, there's a nurse's office and the nurse helps you."

"Oh yeah?"

And from there, he told me about his bloody nose(s?- because I think there was more than one, he picks his nose when he's nervous) and other bits and pieces of his day.

Besides Big Mike and the bloody noses, I don't think anything particularly traumatic happened. It's just a long day for a 5 year old. A long day full of new faces, new rules and new spaces. It's a lot to take in. His preschool class had 4 other kids and was held in his teacher's living room. Now he's got a huge new campus to navigate and 20 other kids to befriend.

I hope it gets better for him.

First Day of Kindergarten

2011-08-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

The day finally came.

This morning we tearfully dropped him off. He did great. I could tell he was feeling a little anxious, a little shy. Even when he found his friend Ella, he was pretty reserved. I got home and almost lost it. I put both Ike and Asher down for naps and it hit me. Hit me hard. Booker is at SCHOOL and my other two kids are SLEEPING. I AM A FREE WOMAN! For about two hours, a free woman. Woo hooooooooooooooooooooo!

Kindergarten rocks.

Booker acting like he didn't spend six hours each week last year with his buddy Ella from Joy School. Geez. Iced out.

Ike was genuinely surprised that we didn't drop him off at a classroom as well. For weeks now he's been talking about going to Kindergarten to collect eggs in a basket (?!?!) Your guess is as good as mine, I think he's confusing Kindergarten with Easter (something to do with "garten" and garden, I'm not sure?)

Despite several screamed conversations between Booker and Ike (IKE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO KINDERGARTEN ONLY FIVE YEAR OLDS GO TO KINDERGARTEN YOU ARE ONLY TWO YEARS OLD), he's still holding out hope and keeps asking me when he'll be going as well. It's hard being the little brother. I'll try and get video footage of Ike wailing as he chases Booker's school bus down the street tomorrow morning.

Speaking of tomorrow morning, coming soon... Booker's birthday, his second day of school and his first time on the bus.

The Beach: The Rest

2011-08-08T09:29:00.000-07:00

Our line of cabanas.

A "sand"wich.

Proof that I was there. With crazy hair.

Grandma and Grandpa Ron.

Slideshow seen here.

The Beach: Part Booker

2011-08-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

You were never more than 10 feet away from Dax.

The Beach: Part Ike

2011-08-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

This was a rare sight. But if you sat still for just one second, you passed right out.

Hello, ladies...

You wanted to join your girl cousins in the sand but not as a mermaid...

As a "shark man!"

Tired eyes.

Constantly covered in sand.

Something about the combination of moisture in the air and sand made your hair especially fro-like.

You loved taking trips to the ice cream place.

The Beach: Part Asher

2011-08-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

You were really good at attracting a crowd.

You took great naps with the sounds of the ocean substituting for your white noise machine.

Your white baby skin is a little pinker than before despite our best efforts.

It was fun reading our books while you snoozed away.

Breazy was your buddy.

So was your Aunt Joy.

Before I know it, you'll be riding the waves like your cousin Tate.

Hot Apple

2011-08-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

On our last day at the beach, we spotted a lady selling caramel apples and flagged her down. We gladly paid $3 and were so excited to dig into our treat. So you can imagine our disappointment when we discovered that the caramel apple had been rolled in tamarindo and chile powder. My brother Danny would have loved it. It was way too salty and spicy for me... oh and way too disgusting.

Now it was only useful for tricking small children...

What a waste of a perfectly good caramel apple.

Campground Pics

2011-08-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

Even though the purpose of our trip to California is to hang out at the beach everyday, I think we have just as much fun each evening back at the campground. In fact, one of my favorite days of the week is Sunday because it's the only day we spent entirely at the campground.

The campground is full of scooter/long board riding, trips to the park, games of bocce ball and goofing off with the human rubber-band (seen last year here).

I always forget how chilly the campground gets. This year, Asher stayed warm with his little Sparky outfit. Thanks Aunt Sherry!

There was plenty of doting on Asher. As the only baby this year, he got LOTS of attention from his cousins. He's pretty good at attracting a crowd. Someone was always willing to hold him or take him for a walk in the stroller.

Like his cousin, Kevin.

Sunday nap with dad.

Lots of time spent reading around the campfire.

Booker and Ike actually did pretty well going to sleep each night. They were pretty exhausted from all the beach fun.

Asher was sleeping a little too close to me for comfort, but we made do.

Coming up next, the beach...

La Jolla Seal Colony

2011-08-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

On Sunday morning our kids woke up bright and early. In an effort to keep them from waking up the rest of the campground, we got dressed for church and decided to kill a couple of hours at the seal colony in nearby La Jolla.

Wearing church clothes to the beach is never a good idea.

Because you're guaranteed to have sand in your hair for the rest of the day.

Somehow Asher got sun burned the day before even though he was in the shade the whole day. They tell you not to put sunscreen on little infants but after that first day, we decided on the lesser of two evils and slathered him up.

We lucked out and saw plenty of seals.

Loving this pic.

How can he be this big? He can't possibly be an almost 5 year old, right? Don't even ask me what's happening on Monday. I'm going to barf.

I was trying to recreate these photos (taken on the same bench two years ago).

Ike is wearing the same shirt Booker was two years ago.

Asher would not cooperate.

Same slideshow here.

California 2011 Part 1

2011-08-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

Alright, I really need to blog about California because in a few days school starts and Booker has a birthday. If I don't blog now, I'll never get around to it. You can find a history of our annual trip to the beach here, here and here. This vacation is so important to us that we even went the year it was scheduled at the same time as the Bar Exam. That was tricky, but we made it work.

Basically, every year all the Proffitt siblings gather their families together for a week of camping and beach going in San Diego. It's a fabulous vacation and this year I tried to make an effort to take more photos.

Here we go...

Cousins

2011-08-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the photos I have from California, so here are just a few for now. I love this trip because it means tons of cousin time. My kids are kind of obsessed with their cousins. They start out the week as themselves but by the end of the week, they've morphed into a Self/Cousin hybrid, picking up new mannerisms, sayings and attitudes from their cousins. I'm still trying to figure out who taught Booker how to say DARN IT every time he doesn't get his way. Grrrr. Oh well. They had a great time.

Home sweet Home

2011-08-01T08:13:00.001-07:00

We made it back from California!

But just barely. The ride home was more eventful than I would have liked. On Saturday morning, we packed up our camp site and decided to spend the day at the beach before heading home. It was a great day, so great that we didn't hit the road until 5:30 in the evening.

We made it to Yuma without incident, in fact everything was hunky dory. Everyone was hooked up and tuned out- Clark was listening to an audiobook (thank you audible.com), I was watching shows on my phone (thank you Netflix) and the boys were listening to Disney songs on the Kids Channel (thank you satellite radio). Even Asher was happily sucking away on his fingers while listening to the sounds of the beach (thank you white noise machine). Isn't technology awesome?

Somewhere between Yuma and Dateland, we heard a loud POP as one of our tires blew. Under normal circumstances, it stinks to have your tire blow out. But when it's eleven o'clock at night, you're in the middle of no where, it's a hundred degrees outside and you just spent the entire day at the beach, it REALLY stinks. Oh and your car is packed to the brim with all your hud. Then it super stinks.

We ended up having to unload the entire back of the car, which had been stuffed full of loose dirty laundry, onto the side of the highway to get to the jack. Then Clark worked on getting the spare out, while I paced nervously around with images of us getting side swiped/bitten by rattlesnakes/struck by lightening swirling around in my head. The boys were oblivious in the front seat watching shows on my phone (thank you again Netflix!)

And then Asher pooped.

And then my flip flop broke.

And then Ike had a meltdown because he was exhausted.

And then the spare was flat and needed air.

And then and then and then and then...

But it all worked out eventually. We're weren't too far from a gas station where we got air and lots and lots of water to rehydrate. The boys promptly fell asleep and we were back on the road again. We even ran into some Muslims at the gas station who had pulled over to pray on the side of the road.

I'm still feeling the effects of that late night. Still doing laundry. Still picking sand out of Ike's hair. But it was one AWESOME vacation. I'm glad to be home.

Coming soon... a million pictures from the beach.

Yuna

2011-07-22T08:45:00.001-07:00

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

Upon seeing this picture, Ike declared, "Oh, cute baby... We have baby. He name is Asher. He bug me every single time." And then he called him a coo-coo head. Which is a little unfair, since Asher doesn't really bug anyone (except me sometimes at 4 in the morning) and he's totally not a coo-coo head.

Speaking of Yuna, happy birthday to Yuna's dad- my oldest of my little brothers, David. David, I hope your day is full of cake and presents and at least one trip to the post office so you can package that little half Japanese girl up and send her to me so I can squeeze her and kiss and gobble her up with a pair of chopsticks.

Yuna, I case you were wondering, I adore you. David, you're pretty cool as well.

Tabouli and EinstIKEn

2011-07-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

For this 8 week challenge I'm doing, I've been trying to make an effort to get as many of the ten things done and off my list before noon. Some of the things I can't get done right away (like no eating after 8 p.m. and drinking 64 ounces of water). But when it comes to exercise, journal/blog and uplifting reading, I like to check those off right out of the gate. It's been a great way to start my mornings and leads to a much more productive and fulfilling day.

So according to the images on my camera, today's blog is brought to you by tabouli and Ike's crazy hair.

Growing up, tabouli was like the creamed spinach of our household. My mom was always trying to get us to eat more tabouli and we hated it. That woman had a love affair with her tabouli and as a kid, I just didn't get it. It looked like grass and it tasted like grass to me. Well, fast forward a couple of decades later and I love me some tabouli. I think everyone could use a little more bulgur in their lives. Could you?

And then there's Ike's hair. Some mornings I just shake my head and laugh.

I really ought to cut it but at this point I'm interested to see where it goes from here. Plus I think his hair is somewhat fitting of his personality. Over the last few months, Ike has really discovered his voice and apparently that voice has told him to do some pretty naughty things. Like cut holes in the couch. And color on the couch (what's he got against the couch!?!) And lock doors behind him. And take all his clothes off several times a day. And pee all over his bedroom carpet.

But my heart kind of melts every time he says "I'm sah-ry Mom" so I'll forgive that crazy haired kid. Unless he cuts the couch up again. Then I'm done. I'll send him away to a crazy science lab where he can become a little mad scientist apprentice.

Milestones

2011-07-13T12:28:00.000-07:00

We've reached some important milestones in our house recently. First up, Asher has hit the "laughing at sneezes" milestone. I'm not sure who makes me laugh more while watching this video- Asher or Clark.

Next up, Booker learned how to dive. Not sure who taught him, but it wasn't me. I'm definitely one proud mama though. Do you remember how difficult and scary diving seemed to be when you were little? I do. Well done, Bean. Swim team 2012 here we come!

Let Go and Let God

2011-07-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

Let go and let God.

It's something you're likely to hear at an Al Anon meeting. It's something I've been thinking a lot about lately.

Right after my children and my husband, I think I spend the most time worrying about and fretting over my siblings. I just love them so much. My sister and my three brothers mean the world to me. I would do anything for them. Anything. And that includes nothing.

My little brother Danny has been missing for awhile now and I have done nothing about it.

He took off shortly after Asher was born, so I guess that means he's been missing for almost three months. At first, I really did do nothing. I figured he would turn up after a few weeks like he usually does. Then I began to feel guilty that I wasn't doing more. What kind of sister does nothing? I emailed some of his Facebook friends. I called and texted his phone with no reply until it was shut off. I searched the internet for any sign of him- doing inmate searches and even searching coroner's reports for the states of Arizona, Utah, Nevada and California. I soon realized that searching coroner's reports for your brother's body is a surefire way to make you go insane. The worst kind of insane. I had to stop doing that. I had to let go.

Slowly, I began to realize that I'm powerless. There is nothing I can do to make him return, to make him contact us. I began to pray. I prayed fervently. I prayed for his safety. I prayed that he had food to eat and somewhere to sleep. I prayed that it wouldn't be too hot if he was in Arizona, too cold if he was in Utah. I prayed that the people he was in contact with would treat him with love and respect. But even then, I had to let go.

My prayers have changed. My focus is less on Danny and more on myself. I'm praying for peace. I'm praying for strength to deal with the outcome, whatever it may be. I'm praying that I can stay away from the deep dark places my thoughts wander off to. I'm trying to let go and let God.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't given up on Danny. I've just realized that it's out of my hands. I'll let God handle it from here. His hands are way better than mine anyways.

Everyday I question my decision to let go. It's silly, but I worry that Danny thinks we've given up on him. It bothers me (quite a bit for some reason) that people he's with might think that Danny doesn't have a family that is sick with worry. Literally sick. Because that's the only way I can describe my thoughts lately... sick.

Doing nothing is harder than you think. But right now for me, it's necessary. I'm reminded of something Jeff VanVonderen (my favorite of the interventionists on A&E's show, Intervention) often says, "There's nothing we won't do to help you get better, but there's nothing we're going to continue doing that will allow this to go on any longer." Doing nothing sucks, but sometimes it's the only option to help someone get better.

So Danny, if you happen to be reading this, which is highly unlikely...

So future sober Danny, if you happen to to be reading this (which also seems unlikely but maybe you got curious and wanted to know what your family was thinking during this time), please know that we never gave up even though it might look that way. Please know that I wanted to drop everything and go search for you. Please know that I did everything in my power and then I realized that my power is pathetic and puny. Doing nothing was hard, really really really hard. I love you, Danny, but I'm trying to learn to also love myself and for that reason I had to let go. Let go of the obsessive thoughts and the fear and the hurt you've caused us. It's toxic. I'm trying to fill the void with hope and faith. Hope that you'll get better and faith that God will make it happen.

A Better Me?

2011-07-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

In 8 weeks...

Well, that's the idea anyways. I'm starting a 8 week challenge and part of that challenge includes writing in a journal everyday. And since blogging counts towards that, you just might be hearing more from me. I'm looking forward to trying to get 7 hours of sleep each night Actually who am I kidding? I ALWAYS get at least seven hours of sleep a night. I guess I'm looking forward to patting myself on the back for something I do anyways. I'm not looking forward to giving up sugar and diet soda... for two whole months. So friends and family, I give you permission to publicly shame me if you catch me with can of Coke Zero in my hand. But not if it's my free day. Then leave me in peace to catch up on a week's worth of caffeine deprivation.

Anyways, since I only ever pull my camera out for Asher lately, he'll be the star of today's post. And he deserves it. He's my sweet easy darling little dimple faced chubba wubba. He's one good kid. Compared to his brothers at this age, he's easy as pie. Goes to sleep at seven every night. Sleeps until 4, wakes up briefly to eat and then back down for a few more hours. All he needs is his bippy and some white noise, lay him down and he passes out. None of this rocking and singing and holding business.

Clark keeps raining on my parade, but I think this kid is going to have blue eyes. He's convinced they'll change, but I think otherwise. He's got his dad's coloring.

And in the above pic, he totally reminds me of my brother David. Speaking of my brother David, I had to include this amazing picture of his daughter (and Asher's best frousin) Yuna. I'm obsessed with that little girl. She's a super baby. Super adorable.

I really hope Yuna and Asher will get to meet before they get too big. Until then, Asher will just have to hang out with his brothers and endure their crushes, er I mean, cuddles. I don't know how many more of their love head-butts this little guy can withstand.

A Week in the Life of a Great Dad

2011-06-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

Gah! I wanted to write this post yesterday in honor of Father's Day but between Asher's baby blessing and hosting a bunch of family over for lunch, I never got the time. But I spent last week anticipating Father's Day and trying to be more appreciative of the wonderful dad my boys have in their lives. So here's a week in the life of a great dad...

Monday: Great dads have their kids' best interests at heart.

On Monday, I sent Clark a text at noon, "I've got a killer migraine. I don't know what to do." By noon thirty, Clark was back at home with a little work station set up at the kitchen table. The boys were happily watching a movie. I was tucked away in my cool, dark bedroom for the next several hours. Sure, you could argue that Clark had his own interests at heart when he rushed home from work that day. Who wouldn't want to skip out on a Monday afternoon spent at the office? You could argue that he had my interests at heart that day. It was a killer migraine. But really, I'd like to think that Clark rushed home because he knew that three little boys should not be left to their own devices. They get into trouble when I'm on my A game, I can't imagine what kind of mischief they would have gotten into while I was incapacitated like that.

Tuesday: Great dads know that happy mom = happy kids.

On Tuesday, Clark encouraged me to go out with some friends in the evening. I was reluctant. It was a far drive. I was tired. I hadn't showered. I wanted to get into my pajamas and watch TV. I wanted to talk in length about the number of times I was forced to wipes bums that day. He insisted. I needed to go spend time with those ladies. I came home many hours later. I was rejuvenated. I was relaxed. I was so happy I went out. I was ready for another day of wiping bums.

Wednesday: Great dads are gentle.

On Wednesday, Booker woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Actually, Booker wakes up on the wrong side of the bed on any given day. I'm not around to hear it (six in the morning is still considered night time in my book), but I'm pretty sure this conversation takes place every single morning between Booker and Clark:

Gentle Dad: Good morning, buddy.

Bleary-Eyed-Bean: GAAAAyawnIWANTTOWATCHMYSHOWSRIGHTNOWyawnARGH!

GD: What can I get you for breakfast?

B-E-B: NUTHIN! I. AM. NOT. HUNGRY. I DON'T WANT BREAKFAST!!!!!!

GD: Alright.

B-E-B: Actually I want cocoa puffs.

And just with his tone of voice, Clark is able to turn that kid around and set him on a better path for the day. It works every time. When Booker grumps at me that way, I feel like throwing the box of cereal at his head.

Thursday: Great dads are creative.

On Thursday, Clark met with a business consultant firm to discuss the details of a really cool product he's invented. Asher presented him with a problem and he's solved it in a rather innovative way. My lips are sealed but hopefully one day every new mom will be registering for one of these babies at Target.

Friday: Great dads are like Coach Taylor.

On Friday, Clark and I watched Friday Night Lights together like we do every Friday night. I'm sure he was a good dad that day, but I don't remember. Also, Friday Night Lights just might be the best show on TV right now and possibly ever. If you're not watching, you're missing out.

Saturday: Great dads are fun.

On Saturday, Clark built swords for the boys out of dowel rods, foam and duct tape. Just because it's fun. I could have also mentioned that good dads are hard working because he also spent the day working his butt off to get our house clean for his family to come over the next day.

Sunday: Great dads are self-sacrificing.

On Sunday, Clark spent the day (his day, Father's Day) cooking, cleaning and entertaining 30+ members of his family and the best part is that he actually enjoyed it. He loves his family. For Father's Day, he probably would have preferred an iPad or some expensive wood-working tools instead of a picture of a plate from Color Me Mine. Just a picture because the actual plate wasn't ready to pick up. Wow, we are so lame.

But while iPads and tools are certainly worthwhile, our annual family vacation to San Diego is even better. He feigned the appropriate amount of excitement over that plate and Booker and Ike beamed with pride.

I'm so glad my kids have a great dad in their lives. I'm thankful for my own great dad who warrants a blog post of his own one of these days. Happy belated Father's Day to the great dads in my life.

June Happenings

2011-06-14T16:24:00.000-07:00

I've got about 2.5 minutes before Booker and Ike force me out to the pool for an afternoon dip, so here goes, in no particular order, what we've been up to in the month of June...

- Little League Closing Ceremonies. Booker got his long awaited trophy for participating in t-ball this season. He loves that darn trophy more than life itself. When we got home from the ceremonies, he wanted to go straight to bed (no stories, no goodnight kisses) so he could be alone with his precious trophy. No joke. We happily obliged.

- Ike just might be officially potty trained. It's been a long few weeks full of ups and downs, good days and bad ones. It turns out, Ike can make me laugh at anything- even poop. He loves to describe his BM's after he's done. "It's a huge one." "It's a shark one." (?!?!) And my personal favorite, "It's got sprinkles in it." Boys are gross.

- Speaking of Ike, the kid is nearly 3 years old and we only now realized that he's got curly hair. Clark has finally figured out how to style his hair for church, but I haven't. Any tips on how to manage short, wavy hair? I'm perplexed.

- We just finished a session of swim lessons. Booker did great. Ike freaked out the second week and wouldn't get in the water. According to him, he was afraid of lions.

- Speaking of lions, the best way to get Ike to do something is to threaten that you're going to feed him to a lion/shark/spider. We're terrible parents.

- Speaking of terrible parents, Ike cried himself to sleep whilst sitting on time out for refusing to get in the water. It was a bad day for me.

- Speaking of bad days, there's nothing quite like those chubby little heads to turn a bad day into an much better one. I love those guys.

What have we been up to?

2011-06-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

Swimming. Swimming. All. Day. Long.

Sometimes Ike gets to skip his nap to join in on the swimming fun. The result can be hilarious.

Joy School Graduation

2011-05-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

Although I forgot to bring my camera, I wanted to mention Booker's graduation from Joy School. Our first experience with Joy School this year was a huge success. I can't wait to do it again with Ike. It really is a wonderful program and I think we lucked out with a FANTASTIC group of kids. Booker made some lifelong buddies and the best part is that they all live right in the neighborhood.

Awhile back, the mother of one of his Joy School friends told me that her son Dax had mentioned that he wishes that Booker lived closer. They literally live across the street and one house down from us! Aside from making some great friends, Booker has grown leaps and bounds because of the things he's learned in Joy School. Things that will prepare him to be a happy and confident little grade schooler.

He came home from his graduation party with a DVD of photos from the year. I can't tell you how many times we've watched that DVD since he got it. Thank you to all the amazing Joy School moms who made this such a great year!

The guys.

The gals.

Umbilical Hernia

2011-05-29T19:05:00.000-07:00

Two of my best friends had babies just weeks after Asher was born. Even though they haven't met each other yet, I have a feeling that Asher, Felix and Elise are going to be good buddies. In fact, when Jen blogged about little Felix's webbed toes, I just knew that he and Asher were two peas in a pod. One defective little pod.

You see, what we thought was just a major outie belly button, is actually an umbilical hernia. It's usually harmless and should correct itself in a few years, but yowser! It's really weird looking.

So Elise, what are YOU hiding... a third nipple? A vestigial tail? Or are you as perfect and adorable as your pictures suggest? I think I need to meet you in person and decide for myself.

And it pertrudes even more when he cries.

Preschool Graduation

2011-05-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

First day of preschool, August 2010.

Last day of preschool, May 2011.

Booker came home from his preschool graduation with a memory book and a journal and I wish I could scan every single page and put them on here. According to his memory book, when he started preschool in August he was 42.5 inches tall and 39 pounds heavy. He now measures 44.5 inches tall and 39 pounds heavy. One year, two inches, no weight gained. Sounds about right.

Throughout the year, his teacher Miss Amber asked him questions and recorded the answers. And while I plan on saving his memory book forever and ever and ever, I'm a little worried about what might become of those questions and answers. Booker insists on sleeping with his memory book at night like it's a stuffed animal. So for posterity's sake...

Why do you come to preschool?

Because I like the toys here.

What makes you feel happy inside?

Playing Star Wars.

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be and why?

I like Booker.

Daddy always says...

"Go to sleep."

What happens at your house after you go to bed?

Mom and dad stay up and watch their show.

What do you want to do when you grow up?

I don't know.

What is your favorite food that your mom or dad makes you at home? How is it made?

Chicken... She cooks it and then she takes it out of the oven and we all eat it.

What makes someone beautiful?

Wearing a skirt.

Why is the sky blue?

Cause God chose that color. God chose it to be blue.

Why do we celebrate Christmas?

Cause when it's Christmas we celebrate it. We decorate up the tree.

How do shows end up on TV?

Cause you turn it on. You put on the name you want.

What is love?

Love means happy.

What does your dad do at work?

He works!

What does your mom do all day?

Work. Cleans up the house. That's all she does.

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others?

Somersaults.

What would you do with $100?

Buy a big toy.

His journal is full of pictures he drew throughout the year of the major events in his life. Pictures like the one above titled, "This is where we went to... To Cairo then Turkey and then Tucson." Which is actually a pretty good depiction of what that trip felt like. And other pictures about when Dee Dee ate Bentley's chickens (Bentley is his friend), playing light sabers with Uncle Chris, when Asher was born, when Baba came to visit, camping and going in a cave with Dad, and that time when he went on a bear hunt and attacked the bear with a sword (?!?) You know, the big stuff.

Booker had a fabulous year with the most fabulous teacher a mom could ask for. I wish he could stay in preschool forever. Seriously. You can head on over to the boys' blog for some cute video footage of his class singing songs and performing a little play.

A Day in the Life..

2011-05-25T14:02:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, one of my younger brothers asked me what exactly I did all day long as a stay at home mom. I wasn't sure how to answer and I guess I didn't answer to his satisfaction because he looked at me in semi-disgust and told me to just get a job already. He was 17 at the time and if he were to ask me again today, I would answer with a play by play of the day's events. Then I would ask him if he would babysit for me so I could go get a pedicure.

So here you go, a day in the life of Margaret...

6:00 am Nurses Asher. Rolls Asher over to Clark's side of the bed. Praises Clark for being a morning person.

7:30 Wakes up for the day.

7:35 Wanders downstairs, participates in family prayer, says goodbye to Clark.

7:38 Eats a bowl of cereal, wanders upstairs, gets dressed, makes bed, collects dirty diapers that have gathered in various places during the night. Grabs clothes for Booker and Asher. Ike's already dressed, I'm assuming he had an accident before I got up.

7:45 Makes sure everyone is dressed and fed. Empties out Ike's froggy potty downstairs and his Elmo potty upstairs. Tries to ignore the bomb of a mess that has gone off in the kitchen and family room.

8:00 Nurses Asher so he's got a full tummy at the gym.

8:10 Loads up the car. Doesn't forget: diapers, wipes, change of clothes for Asher, extra pair of undies and pants for Ike, headphones, water bottle, Ike's blankie and baby doll. Forgets: towel for the gym and sippy cups for the boys. Not a big deal.

8:20 Leaves for the gym.

8:40 Drops the boys off at the daycare.

9:00 Gets interrupted on the elliptical by a daycare worker. Asher is fussy.

9:10 Picks up boys from the daycare. Loads up car. Doesn't forget: to buckle Ike's buckles. Forgets: to hand him his baby doll and blankie before I start driving. Doh!

9:30 Arrives at Safeway. Asher is hysterical. Hops into passenger seat to nurse Asher while Booker and Ike watch The Last Unicorn in the backseat. Tries not to flash the gentleman who just parked next to me.

9:45 Enters Safeway with one sleepy little baby and two wild little boys. Shops with one carseat in cart, one 4 year old hanging off the cart (threatening to tip it over) and one 2 year old bolting down the aisles and out of sight.

10:25 Checks out with a full cart of groceries. Foolishly refuses help out to the car from the bag boy. Doesn't forget: milk, trash bags and bag of chips for Booker's preschool graduation tomorrow. Forgets: diapers for Asher. Dangit.

10:35 Loads up car and makes the quick drive over to Beyond Bread.

10:40 Enters Beyond Bread and orders a last meal of sorts (my six weeks of postpartum vacation are almost up and tomorrow it's back to diet and exercise). Grabs a to-go bag that includes Max's Muffaletta and a creme brulee. Doesn't forget: Diet Coke. Almost forgets: to get a gift card for Booker's teacher. Back to the car.

10:45 Tries to ignore cries of We're HUNGRY from the backseat.

11:00 Pulls into McDonald's drive through and orders two happy meals.

11:05 Pulls into a parking space to hand out food, open chocolate milks and happy meal toys.

11:30 Pulls into garage. Unbuckles Ike. Carries in Asher. Brings in groceries. Almost drops watermelon on garage floor. Drops a 12 pack of Coke Zero cans on the kitchen floor and watches as they scatter.

11:35 Asher is hysterical. Puts frozen stuff in the freezer. Leaves everything else on the counter.

11:38 Nurses Asher while trying to eat sandwich and read People magazine. Brushes an artichoke off Asher's forehead.

11:45 Burps Asher. Changes diaper. Gets sippy cup, blankie and baby doll for Ike. Carries unhappy Ike upstairs and puts him down for a nap. Doesn't forget: to lock the door so he can't get out of his room.

11:48 Returns downstairs to a fussy baby. Rocks baby, checks email, wastes time on Facebook.

12:00 Puts cold groceries away.

12:05 Helps Booker build a fort out of the couch cushions.

12:15 Puts on a quiet time movie for Booker. Sits down on the couch with Asher in one hand and People magazine in the other.

12:35 Rocks Asher to sleep. Puts baby in the swing. Back to couch.

12:45 Passes out on couch. Mumbles Mmmmmm Hmmmmm everytime Booker asks for a snack out of the pantry.

1:15 Wakes up to a crying baby, a pool of drool on the couch cushion and several Fruit by the Foot wrappers strewn about. Collects crying baby.

1:20 Changes diaper. Picks up a dozen Coke cans. Puts away remaining groceries.

1:30 Movie is over, time to clean up. Straps fussy Asher into baby backpack and starts to straighten up downstairs. Does dishes and picks up dirty clothes. Tries to sweep and mop with baby strapped to my front. Decides this is a bad idea after hitting Asher in the face with mop handle.

2:00 Sits down to start blog entry. Types with Asher in my lap.

2:25 Hears Ike yelling upstairs. Sends Booker up to unlock his door. Puts sleeping Asher in his swing. Changes Ike's stinky pull-up and puts on his swimsuit.

2:30 Puts on an episode of Scooby Doo. Finishes straightening up the downstairs.

3:00 Finally relents to going out to the pool with Booker and Ike. Doesn't forget: towels, phone, scriptures, People magazine, water bottle, sunglasses and baby monitor. Forgets: to put sunscreen on the boys. Shoot!

3:50 Notices pink shoulders. Convinces boys that they would rather jump on the trampoline than swim. Locks pool gate and heads inside.

3:55 Empties out trash, toys and t-ball gear from car in anticipation of trip to the car wash tomorrow morning.

4:00 Contemplates dinner. Admires sleeping baby. Back to the garage for more car de-junking.

4:15 Remembers the pink shoulders and tells the boys to come inside to eat some grapes.

4:17 Admires sleeping baby. Sleeping baby! Remembers that I haven't showered today.

4:20 Finally takes a shower.

4:30 Hops out of shower, throws on towel and runs around house to check on the boys and access the damage. Child #1 is in the toy room playing with puzzles. Child #2 is wandering around in his underwear, looking guilty with Oreo crumbs all over his face. Child #3 is blissfully sleeping in his swing.

4:35 Gets dressed, puts on makeup and blow dries hair.

5:00 Gets dinner started. Downloads some photos off my camera while water is boiling. Helps Booker with some letter worksheets.

5:20 Sits down to eat dinner.

5:30 Asher wakes up. Nurses Asher in the other room. Panics when I overhear Ike yelling that he is "cleaning up his pee pees." Puts Asher down and runs into the kitchen where Ike is spreading pee all over the island countertop with his hands. Watches as pee spills onto my niece's graduation announcement and onto the gift card I purchased earlier.

5:31 Strips Ike down and sends everyone upstairs to the bath.

5:35 Resumes nursing Asher upstairs. Bathes all three boys.

5:55 Gets everyone in their pajamas.

6:00 Helps organize toy room cleanup. Heads downstairs to cleanup after dinner. Grumbles that Clark has to work late tonight. Remembers that Clark wakes up early with Asher every single morning with no complaint.

6:45 Drops Booker and Ike off at friend's house. Heads over to the church for a temple recommend interview.

7:15 Picks boys up and heads home.

7:20 Puts bandaid on Ike's finger. Kisses him better. Helps with teeth brushing. Reads three bedtime stories. Turns lights out.

7:45 Retrieves creme brulee from the fridge. Heads back upstairss to watch Top Chef Masters. Admires sleeping baby still in his carseat. Anxiously awaits the sounds of the garage opening and closing.

VICTORY!

So that was super long and pretty mundane. But there you have it. In twenty years when my kids are grown and gone, I'll long for these busy days full of sippy cups and snacks and swimming sessions. I'll miss the chaos. I'll miss the routine. Sometimes I feel like I'm just treading water and trying to stay afloat, waiting for the moment that Clark walks through the door. I need to work on slowing things down. I need to enjoy these moments with my boys a little more. And more than anything, I need to take this mothering job more seriously. Because those guys can't fire me even if they wanted to.

Phew. And now your reward for making it this far...

Milk drunk Asher.

Milk hungry Asher.

Give it a try- keep track of your day's events. You'll surprise yourself with how busy you can be "doing nothing." And if anything, you'll surprise your 17 year old brother.

Happy 1 Month!

2011-05-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

Today marks Asher's one month birthday. Time sure flies when you're having fun... feeding, burping, rocking, changing, bathing and otherwise caring for a newborn. It seems like just yesterday that we brought him home and yet it also feels like he's been with us forever. It's hard to remember what life was like without him.

Since I was so terrible at recording some of these details with my other kids, here's a little run down of what Asher's been up to the first month of his life. Last week at his doctor's appointment, I learned that he's gained a pound since birth. He's in the 75th percentile for height, 50th for weight and only 25th for head size, which is weird because his head looks so huge to me. Speaking of heads, his pediatrician said that she has never seen a more beautifully round head. Well done, Asher!

People always want to know if you've got a "good" baby. Upon meeting your baby for the first time and seeing how disheveled and nasty and exhausted you look, they want to know if he's sleeping through the night yet. It's a dumb question, but everyone asks (including myself). While Asher might not be a one of those rare "good" babies who sleep through the night at two weeks, he's certainly no nightmare either.

He's definitely not sleeping through the night or any period of time longer than 4 hours, but at least he knows the difference between nighttime and daytime. He wakes up anywhere between 1-3 times a night to eat and usually likes to get up for the day bright and early around 6. A few nights ago we moved him into his own room because he spends a good 20 minutes after each feeding grunting and growling before falling back asleep. It was keeping us awake.

He has periods of fussiness during the day where nothing seems to console him. This might have something to do with the cherry coke zero that I insist on having everyday with lunch. I'm trying to negotiate with him on that one. Maybe once he stops waking up so often at night, I'll be able to give up my coke zero.

I'm just so pleased with how happy and healthy Asher has been. No NICU stay like Ike. No horrible diaper rash or eczema like Booker had. No projectile spitting up or major diaper blow outs. Other than being fussy every once in awhile, he's doing really well (knock on wood). And it seems like he's starting to settle into his "look," the one he'll have the rest of his life. Less scary newborn and more of just Asher.

As far as the transition from 2 to 3 kids goes, it's been hard but not quite as hard as I thought it would be. Of course, since Booker is still in school I have yet to take all three of them grocery shopping. I might change my story in a few weeks when summer starts. There have been times (usually in the car when Asher gets really quiet) when I am legitimately concerned that I've left one of them behind. It's only a fleeting feeling but it's unsettling. Getting three little bodies from point A to point B is harder than you think. I don't know how moms of 4+ do it.

I'm so glad Asher is here and a part of our family. He's such a joy. I love everything about him from his fuzzy little head down to his long little toes. I love seeing Booker and Ike interact with him. I'll never forget the hilariously tender moment when Ike looked down at Asher, patted his head and solemnly proclaimed, "She so fluffy."He is so fluffy and sweet and absolutely perfect. We love you Asher!

Some Phone Pics

2011-05-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

I've been really awful about taking pictures of Asher lately. It's just so much easier to snap a couple of photos/videos on my phone and call it good. I Skyped with my dad yesterday and he mentioned that Asher is looking different. I forget that the rest of the world doesn't spend hours at a time with him in their arms. I promise to get my actual camera out more often. Until then...

Thank you for the awesome (reversible) pants, Jen! So cute.

The Great Kindergarten Debate: Our Decision

2011-05-09T17:19:00.000-07:00

Wow. We got a lot of advice. Really, really good advice. Thank you for the comments, the emails, the phone calls. There were some pretty compelling arguments for both sides. What makes this so difficult is that there is no wrong answer, whatever we decide will be a "good" decision. I tallied it up and there seemed to be an equal number of those who were for Kindergarten and those against. Interesting. Again, thank you for all the advice. I think we are a little bit closer to reaching a decision.

If I put Booker in Kindergarten this year, I will feel anxious about it and personally responsible for any difficulties he has and he will have them. If I hold Booker back from Kindergarten this year, I will feel anxious about it and personally responsible for any difficulties he has in the future. As my wise Aunt Diane told me, "I've realized that I'm going to go through life with these three kids successes, failures, happiness and sufferings tied to my identity. That exhausts me. As I read all your reasons, what I really hear is that YOU are feeling anxious about his growing up. You can't stop that. He will grow up. You will feel anxious every step of the way."

Whatever we decide, Booker is going to grow up. He's going to be good at some things and not so good at other things. And that doesn't have that much to do with how old he is compared to his peers or how tall he is compared to his teammates. Some people loved being young for their grade, others hated it. There's just no telling what the future holds.

He meets the deadline to be in Kindergarten and he is supposed to be in Kindergarten. Plus, he's excited about it. Excited about school! That's awesome. It might seem weird to involve a 4-year-old in a big decision like this, but I just can't ignore his utter enthusiasm about starting school. Plus, I liked this argument from my online friend, Bridget. Holding kids back a year just so they can have an advantage over their classmates seems a little unfair to everyone else, doesn't it? That being said, I totally reserve the right to have him repeat Kindergarten if he's struggling with it.

In fact, that's what we're leaning towards. And it seems from your comments, that it's actually more common than I realized. Kids repeat Kindergarten more often than I knew. I'm breathing a sigh of relief. Perhaps this decision isn't as important as I initially thought. I can change my mind in the future if I need to.

I'm glad I petitioned for advice because I might not have otherwise heard about the new charter school that is opening up nearby. They offer half day Kindergarten and I'm trying to get Booker enrolled there. If he goes half day, he will be away from home about as often as he was for preschool/joy school but unlike preschool, this will be free. After a year of half day Kindergarten, I'll bring him back to our local elementary to do a year of full day. If he doesn't get into the charter school, I might consider having him just do two years of full day at our local elementary.

The disadvantage to enrolling him at the charter school is that he won't be with his church and neighborhood friends during this upcoming year and I'll have to drive him to school everyday. But on the bright side, he'll get to wear a cute little uniform! And on the bright side for my waistline, the school happens to be on the way to the gym, a place I need to be frequenting every day anyways. If it turns out that he's a Kindergarten prodigy, he can continue onto first grade no problem. But if I know my Booker, he could use that extra year to grow up a little bit. As I type this, he's in the other room passionately arguing with Ike about who's a bigger "Cheeto-head."

I better go intervene before things get violent between those two crazy Cheeto-heads. Thanks again for all the fabulous advice.

Three Reasons I Love Being a Mom

2011-05-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

The Great Kindergarten Debate

2011-05-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

Photo by the lovely Cherise.

I've been meaning to write this post for awhile now but I've been distracted lately. Clark and I have a decision to make and we need advice. I'm begging for your advice. Please, please, please... tell us what to do!

Whether or not to start Booker in Kindergarten this year.

I'm so torn. I feel like this is the biggest decision I'll ever make. One that will affect him for the rest of his life. And I thought I had it figured it out, but now I'm not so sure. You see, Booker will be turning five on August 9th. He meets the cut off to start Kindergarten this fall by just a few weeks. But does that mean he should?

Reasons to Start this Fall...
-He's dying to go to school and keeps talking about the day he turns five and can finally ride the school bus.
- He is aware that several of his friends will be starting Kindergarten and imagines he will be too.
- This year, he's done both preschool and Joy School. That means he's had some form of school every day except Fridays. This has worked out really well for us both. He needs the structure and the social interaction on a daily basis. I need the break from trying to keep him entertained. And l
et's be honest, I'm not prepared to offer him the same schedule of fun and educational activities on my own... I'm just not that kind of mother.
- I don't have anything else lined up for him school-wise next year. Does anyone have any recommendations or know of any openings at a local preschool?
- I was always young for my class (with a birthday at the end of October) and I did just fine.
- He's a tall kid and I'm not worried about him fitting in physically.
- Academically, I think he'll be alright. It's not like they learn much in Kindergarten anyways, right?
- Lastly, do I really want three kids at home with me for an entire year?

Reasons to hold him back...
- I wouldn't exactly call him an emotionally mature kid. I'm worried that he's not ready to hang with the other kids. Also, he still can't wipe his own bum but that might have more to do with my own neurotic cleanliness issues and less to do with his Kindergarten readiness.
- If we hold him back, he might fall at the top of his class next year (intellectually, socially, emotionally, etc) rather than the bottom. Is it better to be one of the older kids as opposed to the being the youngest?
- Once he starts school, that's it. There's no going back. I'm handing him over to someone else for the next 13 years. He'll have plenty of time to learn things at school, but how much time will he have to learn things here at home? Maybe I want this one year to keep him all to myself.
- It would be all day Kindergarten and the thought of being separated from Booker that long fills me with terrible anxiety. I wish there was a half day option.
- I'm not ready to let him go.

So there you have it. I realize that whatever we decide might not matter much in the long run anyways, but right now it feels so important. So please, friends and strangers alike- flood me with your advice, your own experiences, your thoughts. I'm especially interested to hear from those who have kids with August & September birthdays.

Also, I'm hoping to hear from moms and dads with kids currently at Estes Elementary. Am I right about the cut off dates and about full day Kindergarten? If we decide to enroll him this fall, what do we need to do? Obviously, we've never done this before and any guidance is appreciated.

Thank you, thank you!

A Visit from the AmBABAssador

2011-05-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

I said goodbye to my parents this morning. They are continuing on their Meet the Grandkids Tour of 2011, which started with Yuna up in Provo and will end with Amara in Prescott. I'm so glad my dad made it to Tucson to spend a couple of days with us. It was hard to see him go. For two weeks (TWO WEEKS!!!), I have been lucky enough to have someone staying with me and helping out. Between Clark, my sister, my mother-in-law and most recently my parents, I have had both good company and fabulous help since Asher was born.

But this morning, I bid farewell to my mom and dad and it sort of feels like I walked off a cliff. I am faced with the scary realization that I am a single pair of eyes, hands and boobs to three needy little bodies. Three needy little bodies that want peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Lego Star Wars and a nursing session all at the exact same time. This is it. No going back. Life marches on. I have to figure it out.

In the meantime, here are some photos from the last few days.

Ike enjoying some one on one time with Baba while Booker is at preschool. Asher is listening in. Shortly after this, he had his first diaper blow out... all over Baba.

Ever since we brought him home, Booker has been begging to take Asher to the zoo. Wish granted.

This might be our last trip to the zoo until the Fall. Even after a visit to the splash pad, it was miserably hot.

It was neat to have my dad around when the news FINALLY broke that he's been nominated to be the Ambassador to Kuwait. Even though this will be the third time my family has lived in Kuwait, I'm really excited. Kuwait was my second favorite post (right after London naturally). I have fond memories of playing on tanks and humvees when we were there in 1991. And I'll forever love Clark for actually agreeing to fly to Kuwait to meet my dad while we were dating back in 2004. What will this next tour hold? I have visions of my three boys playing on the beaches and adventures in sand duning. But don't tell Clark. After our last trip overseas, he wants our next vacation to be a nice, quiet cruise.

Baba brought gifts! Like Asher's first camel.

Ike insisted on many camel kisses.

Thanks to my dad, we now have a lifetime supply of Egyptian Revolution shirts straight from a vendor in Tahrir Square. I was giddy with excitement when I went through these shirts. You better believe I'll be forever reminding Booker, Ike and Asher that they were there (in person or in utero) and now they have the shirts to prove it. My favorite is the 25 January Tahrir Square Freedom Facebook shirt.

Thanks for the fun visit, Baba and Mama De! Have fun in Washington D.C. learning how to be Ambassadors and Ambassador Spouses. It won't be nearly as fun as hanging out with us. We miss you already!

Asher's Photoshoot

2011-05-03T09:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Asher's two week birthday, which means I waited too long to do his pictures. Even at 10 days old, he wasn't a very cooperative subject. No curled up, acrobatic baby poses for me. Nope, Asher had mind of his own and I came away from the whole thing with a terrible migraine. But it's done and now I have a record of his sweet, fuzzy baby body which seems to be changing every day. Before I know it, his ears won't be hairy any more and I'll be longing for the day when I could nuzzle into them. I wish I could freeze time.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

My personal favorites...

And since I'm not satisfied with the photo quality of the slideshow, here's a link to the originals.

Asher Day 6

2011-04-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

Cheek hair!

Ear hair!

Clark and his two babies

2011-04-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

Reinforcements have Arrived!

2011-04-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

And just in the nick of time.

My mother-in-law was waiting at my house yesterday morning as I arrived home from Asher's first doctor appointment. I was shaking violently and had a terrible fever. She sent me up to bed and has been nurturing us all ever since. Our household is not well. We've got the coughs, the pukes, the runs, the chills, the sweats, the shakes, the sniffles and no one has been spared. Well that's not entirely true, thankfully Asher has been spared and we've been praying feverishly (literally) that it remains that way.

It's crazy how this little eight pound bundle has the ability to turn our lives upside down (well, that and some nasty germs). I'm so thankful for all the help we've received. Our friends, visiting teachers and home teachers have been amazing. Now that my mother-in-law is here, we are in good hands. I even had a couple of minutes to upload the photos from our hospital stay. In some of the photos, you may notice Asher's lovely belly button foreskin a.k.a. his second penis. Please tell me this goes away!

Slideshow seen here. I realize some of the photos are duplicates. I'm too tired to do anything about it.

Asher's Birth Story

2011-04-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

He's here! Asher Clark Proffitt was born on Wednesday, April 20th at 10:34 a.m. He weighed 8 pounds, 3 ounces and was 20.5 inches long with a 14 inch head. Everything went fabulously well and I got the VBAC I wanted!

And now for a more detailed account. Birth stories are most interesting to the future mom. I can't tell you how many times I've poured over Ike's birth story in the last few weeks, hoping that it would give me any indication as to when this baby would arrive or if things would be similar. Nope, every birth story is different. So here goes, future Margaret (who is pregnant with a girl), Asher's birth story...

At my last doctor's appointment, I agreed to schedule an induction. You're probably wondering why the heck I would do that? VBAC or not, inducing labor will increase your odds of having a c-section. For a VBAC, it takes your chances of having a vaginal birth from about 80% to about 60%. Also, it doubles your risk of uterine rupture from 1% to 2%. Still, that's a 98% chance that my uterus would be fine.

So why would I do that? To be honest, part of me just wanted the baby out. That factored in a little bit. Mostly though, I agreed to an induction because I have a lot of faith in my doctor and I wanted him to be the one on call. He had sent an email out to his colleagues to give them a heads up about my situation in case they were on call when I went into labor. Some of them weren't too thrilled with the prospect of delivering me. One of them (ironically the one who delivered my last VBAC) wanted my operative report from my c-section which has been difficult to track down ever since Banner Mesa closed down. There was no time to track it down. Anyways, my doctor wanted to be the one to deliver me so he scheduled an induction for Tuesday at 3 p.m. when he would be on call. At my appointment, I was 3.5 cm dilated, 50% effaced and at a -2 station. He was pretty confident that things would go well. And honestly, I had a feeling that I would be in labor soon anyways.

I was still pretty uneasy about it. I figured I could schedule it and then cancel later. I let it sink in. I thought about it. I worried about it. And then I prayed about it and got a good impression that things would go well and it would be the right decision. I made arrangements for the boys to stay overnight at a friend's house. I got my laundry done. I mopped my floors. Installed the carseat. Bought a People magazine. I was set.

Tuesday rolls around and I drop the boys off. Clark comes home from work and we head out to the hospital. As we're unloading our bags in the parking lot of the hospital, I get a call. They're too busy right now, there are no beds and not enough staff. Ladies in active labor are the priority, not elective inductions. I understand, but I'm still pretty upset. They want us to call back in a few hours to see if they can take me. Clark and I head over to the Foothills Mall to see a movie, Source Code. I try to enjoy the movie, but I'm too distracted. We walk around and shop a little bit and I'm miserable. I'm kid-free and shopping at a mall, I should be in heaven but I'm on the verge of tears. The anticipation is killing me.

A few hours later, we decide to just show up at the hospital. If I was going to be rejected again, I wanted to be turned away in person and not over the phone. The head nurse comes out and very apologetically tells me they still can't take me and to call back in a few hours. She says I'm the first on the list and she's confident that I will get in that night around 9 or 10. Clark and I head over to Sauce for dinner and Frost for gelato. I'm eating Sauce and Frost and CRYING. It's just not right. I can't relax. And I feel horribly guilty that my friend Cherise has been watching my kids for HOURS now and I'm having a mini-vacation with my husband. I should be enjoying myself but I just can't. After another few hours, we call the hospital again.

A new head nurse is on call and she is not very apologetic. She says she has no idea when I can come in but they'll call me. She tells me to go home and take a bath. You know, just relax. We head home and I'm crushed. I'm an emotional wreck. It's about 8 o'clock and we try to watch some TV. We head to bed and try to sleep. My sister arrives from Prescott around 11. I sit in front of the TV and cry hysterically while watching episodes of Human Planet. I clutch my phone and beg for it to ring. I sleep fitfully for a few hours. Around 4:30 in the morning, I finally get a call and they say I can come in. I grab something light for breakfast and we're on our way!

We get to the hospital around 5. By 6, they start me on the pitocin. I'm about 4 cm, 75% effaced and -1 station. My sister shows up around 7. My contractions are uncomfortable and somewhat irregular. The nurses change their shift and I get two young nurses, one of which was a student doing her clinical work. She was green. Very, very green. Let's just say, she did a cervical check in the wrong place. Needless to say, I wasn't making any progress over there. I didn't mention anything because I didn't want to embarrass her. But that was unpleasant.

At 6:30, Dr. C comes in and breaks my water. Fluid looks nice and clear. Dr. C thinks we'll have a baby by lunch. I hate it when doctors are overly optimistic and I brush this off. I'm prepared to labor for hours. Maybe even for 24 hours (with 2 hours of pushing) like my poor sister-in-law had the day before. They up my pitocin and things get painful. I started at 2 ML/per unit and I was at 14 ML/per unit when I delivered. They would have capped me off at 20 ML/per unit had I needed it.

At 9 am and 5 cm, my contractions are strong and regular. I was pretty uncomfortable and wanted an epidural. The anesthesiologist comes in and starts my epidural. It takes awhile to kick in and when it does, only my feet and legs are partially numb. I'm still feeling my contractions and things are getting really painful. At 10 am, I'm nauseous and throw up from the pain. I only throw up once during the whole ordeal- pretty good for me! The nurses are concerned that my epidural hasn't fully kicked in and they call the anesthesiologist back in. They check me and I'm 7 cm. By 7 cm, I DID NOT want to be feeling anything. I could still feel my mid-section, you know, the part where the contractions are happening! My butt, legs and feet are numb but I can still move around a little bit.

The anesthesiologist has me lie on my left side and tries to back the catheter out of my spine to adjust the medicine. I'm starting to panic. My epidural with Ike worked so well and it never occurred to me that I might have to deliver a baby and feel the pain of it. And by this point, the pain was awful. I remember thinking that I couldn't do this, that I'd rather be knocked out and have a c-section. Clark, my sister, two nurses and the anesthesiologist are all gathered around, watching me sweat and moan and writhe in pain. The anesthesiologist tries adjusting things and keeps asking how my legs feel. With each contraction, they ask me different questions and try adjusting things. Nothing is working. He floods me with medicine. He's about to remove the epidural and do another one in a different spot on my spine. Before he can do that, the nurses check me and I'm complete. They page Dr. C.

I seriously panic. I told everyone I didn't want to push until I had a new epidural. They all spew some garbage about how great I was doing and I would be just fine. I wanted to punch them all in their faces. Plus, it was too late, they said. His head was right there. It was time to push and I couldn't wait for an epidural. Dr. C comes in and the anesthesiologist heads out. I was not happy. This was not how I envisioned things.

Things get a little blurry here. With Clark and Marie holding my legs, I start pushing. I had absolutely no break between pushes. I could hardly catch my breath between them. I think I pushed a total of 8-10 times. It took just a few minutes and his head was out. I could feel his head pop out and then his body coming out, but it wasn't painful or at least I wasn't noticing any pain. I had a 2nd tear, not bad. Dr. C delivers the placenta and starts to sew me up.

Asher's apgar scores were 9 and 9. He was very pink right off the bat. He cried right away and didn't stop for 30 minutes. His forehead, nose and cheeks were bruised up pretty good from coming out so fast. His fingernails and toenails are freakishly long. At 8 pounds, 3 ounces he is my largest baby. I'm glad he didn't stay in another week, getting even bigger. Unlike Booker and Ike, he has blond hair. He has a light dusting of hair all over his face and some pretty awesome ear hair. I love it.He has a face like I've never seen before. It's full of fat, pockets of fat, just fat, fat, fat. Just like his older brothers, he has a funny looking old man face. He can barely open his eyes because his eyelids and eyebrows are too fat. I think he looks like Ike did with Booker's very round head shape. He is just so odd looking, but I love that about him.

After delivery, the flood of epidural medicine kicks in and my legs remain numb for the next 8 hours, which means I'm stuck in bed. And since everything happened so fast, they never had time to put a catheter in. It's miracle I don't pee all over myself during those 8 hours. When I finally pee, with the help of the nurses, I pee 2 liters! Once I can empty my bladder, the nurses finally take out my IV and quit bugging me so often. It felt so good to walk around and take a shower. There is nothing as good as a postpartum shower. That night, the three of us sleep fitfully. Poor Clark has a sore throat and his couch/bed does not look comfortable. The nurses come in every two hours to check mine and Asher's vitals. Super annoying. Everything checks out well and we are discharged at 3 pm the next day.

Overall, it was such a positive (and fast) birthing experience. I'm glad we got to come back home quickly. We were really beginning to miss Booker and Ike. I'm so thankful for Cherise and Marie for taking care of them while we were gone. I'm in complete awe that my body is capable of doing that. I feel pretty sore today and it hurts to sit but other than that I feel good. It's amazing how quickly some of those awful pregnancy symptoms disappear. My heartburn and backache are gone, gone gone! Replaced with a delirious lack of sleep and a very sore bum.

Asher is nursing well and sleeping a ton (during the day- grrrr). His brothers adore him, especially Booker. Last night Ike threw up all over his crib and it was a two parent clean up job. With both of us busy in Ike's room, Booker snuck out of bed to let us know that Asher was crying. We sat Booker down and asked him to hold Asher while we cleaned up. Booker took this responsibility very seriously and felt so proud that he could be such a helpful big brother. And the best part was, he actually was being a great help to us. It was a special moment.

Today, I feel like we were hit with the reality of being the parents to three kids and not just two. Ike has been leaving piles of vomit all over the house. Booker is begging to take Asher to the zoo, to the park, to the mall. Asher is wanting to eat around the clock. Clark is sick with a cold and I'm just plain exhausted and wiped out. And to top it all off, Fergus just chased a mouse under our dishwasher. I'm looking forward to welcoming parents and in-laws into our home next week. It's times like these that my heart is full of gratitude for our friends, family and ward family. Having a new baby is hard.

As far as the name goes, it's one I wanted to use with Booker and then again with Teichert but we decided not to. I think that's why Heavenly Father sent me a third boy. He knew we were supposed to have an Asher in our lives. Given that he's named after a literary figure with significant father issues, we thought it would be mildly ironic to also name him after his dad. Additionally, I wanted to semi-honor my little brother Christian, who is also a third boy named after his dad.

There you have it. My camera is full of photos taken by my sister. Good ones too. Ones of Booker and Ike full of excitement as they meet Asher for the first time. Ones of Asher curled up on Clark's chest while he reads Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Ones of me looking bewildered but content with my new baby. And many, many shots of Asher's gigantic, chubby face filling the frame. But they will have to wait until we have a better grasp on these little boys. Until then, we love you Asher and we're so glad you're finally here!

The Nest that Clark Built

2011-04-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

Remember when we first moved into our house and my lovely mother-in-law came down to paint the horrible awful no good neon green splatter bedroom? No, you don't remember?

Well, we painted it a rather subtle shade of pink. Which I now know is a sure fire way to guarantee that the occupant of this room would be a baby boy. So a few weeks ago, Clark and I painted again and this time I decided to take inspiration from this cute little owl my friend Julia made for me.

I liked the green, brown and orange combination. So our nursery went from neon to pink to green with a brown/white stripe.

And now I can proudly present the nest that Clark built. I get to brag about it because I really didn't have much to do with it. This has been Clark's labor of love. Want some proof?

The crib that Clark found on Craigslist and insisted that we go check out despite being halfway to Oracle.

The "A" that Clark cut out of wood for me. Yes, we have most likely named our baby. No, I won't tell you what that name is. If you ask, I will probably lie straight to your face.

The dresser that Clark sanded and stained. Jan and Dan might recognize this old dresser as one they gave to us a few years ago. I'm really loving this dresser. It's just so big and now that Clark gave it a makeover, I love it even more.

The chalkboard speech bubble that Clark cut out of wood for me. I'm hoping this will keep Booker and Ike somewhat occupied while I'm stuck sitting in the glider nursing a baby.

The turtle nightlight that I laboriously shopped at Target for.

The changing table that Clark built. Yes, you read that correctly. He BUILT it. From nothing. Using his own two hands. I'm wildly impressed with this. The top shelf can be removed and we can maybe use it as a book shelf in future years.

The book rack that Clark built. Pretty much all of his projects started like this, "Clark, I need a book rack/chalkboard/letter "A"/whatever and I need it like yesterday. If I don't get this book rack/whatever immediately and executed exactly to my liking, I will be a failure of a mother to this infant. Please don't make me cry." And then he would disappear to the garage for a few hours or days (depending on the project) and then reemerge with exactly what I wanted! It was so convenient to be able to specify what I wanted and to get it so quickly. I'm liking this new hobby of his.

And a few more pics...

I suppose I need something for the window, but I'm not sure what. I wish I was seamstress so I could "whip up some curtains." It seems like women "whip up curtains" all the time and for a second I considered it. Then I realized how difficult that would be for me.

Clark built the white frame and the blanket is from Jules (it matches the owl). I think Julia whips up curtains in her spare time. This makes me envious.

Now all we need is the baby!

Strange Happenings

2011-04-08T16:25:00.000-07:00

Since the next couple of weeks will most likely involve lots of bodily fluid talk (water breaking, leaky boobs, baby pee) and since I've lost my sense of shame (yesterday my doctor had to brush breakfast cereal off my mound of a belly when he measured my fundal height), I may as well share the following text message conversation with you. This is a much easier blog than the one I have been meaning to do, coming soon- the nursery that Clark built. In the meantime...

Me: Look at what I just unknowingly peed on.

Clark: Whatever, check out what you unknowingly peed out of you!

Me: Hahaha. And you thought I was pregnant with a human baby.

Clark: Joy was right!*

*Clark's sister, Joy had just texted him because she mistakenly thought today was my due date and wanted to know where the baby was. In the toilet apparently.

Eviction Notice

2011-04-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

I realize that with a little over 3 weeks left, it might be too early to be issuing an eviction notice for this baby. But have mercy on me. It's 98 degrees outside today and my body is so bloody uncomfortable. And as my dad warned Clark back when we were dating- that Margaret, she's not exactly a stoic. Plus, I think it would be super hilarious if I went into labor while my 17 year old brother is visiting next week. I think he'd make a great doula. What do you say, Chris? Let's get this party started!

EVICTION NOTICE
Date: April 1, 2011
To: Baby Proffitt
To the above tenant in possession of below described premises:

I am issuing 14 day notice for EVICTION. You will have 14 days in which you can either gather your belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, you will be physically removed from the property.

You are being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made!

Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper AND lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.

After 14 days from this day that you don't comply with the notice will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Thank you for your cooperation
Love, Mommy

For Baba

2011-03-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

Manning third base = building dirt piles at third base.

We're not allowed to post pics of the other kids on the web, but I couldn't help myself with this one. Apparently third base was boring for this little girl as well.

What a ham.

Go Giants!

My Uterus, My Choice: Part 2, The Unnecesarean

2011-03-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

Can you believe I made it to 35 weeks of pregnancy without a single VBAC mention? I'm surprised. Especially since I was obsessed with the idea throughout my last pregnancy. It was all I could think about, all I could blog about. I'm still pro-VBAC-for-Margaret and plan on attempting a vaginal delivery in a few weeks, but since I've done it once before the pressure to have a successful VBAC this time around is not quite so intense. At least that's how I felt until my doctor's appointment the other day.

Time for anyone who is not pregnant or marginally interested in VBACs to tune out.

Let me start by saying that I really love my doctor. He has promised me that, for the most part, he'll treat me like any other patient, i.e. one who hasn't had a cesarean before. He supports my decision to have a VBAC and feels confident that I have a good shot. Unlike other pro-VBAC OB/GYNs (who are few and far between), he is willing to let me go past my due date and is even willing to use very small amounts of pitocin if my labor stalls out. The problem is that he can't guarantee that he'll be on call when I deliver. He shares call duty with several other doctors, two of which will not deliver a VBAC under any circumstances. If I happen to go into labor and show up at the hospital with one of those doctors on call, well frankly, I'm not sure what would happen. I know I have the right to refuse a c-section. I think that doctor would have the right to refuse to treat me as their patient. We'd be at a standstill. I'm not sure what would happen at that point. Anyone care to speculate?

I've danced around the subject with my doctor. He suggests laboring at home for as long as I can and coming into the hospital at a point of no return. As in, this baby is coming out vaginally whether you want it to or not. Which scares me. I don't tolerate pain very well. He also suggests calling the hospital when I go into labor to find out exactly who is on call and when the shifts change. It's disheartening that I might have to do this. In an ideal world (one free of petty law suits and crazy Michael Jackson doctors), I'd be able to show up at the hospital ready to have the birth experience of my choosing. I wouldn't have to worry about who's on call, which forms I can and cannot consent to and whether or not a doctor will "dump" me over something his or her malpractice insurance doesn't cover. I'm interested to see what happens.

In the meantime, I've got a few weeks left with the doctor I like. My doctor. The one who refuses to give me his cell phone number and home address. What?!? I can't show up at his house in labor and have him personally deliver me right then and there? Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll be the guy on call and all this worrying will be for naught.

Yesterday, he apologetically asked me to sign that damned informed consent...

Initial here if you understand that I have the option of an elective repeat cesarean or to attempt a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC).

Initial here if you understand that the risk of uterine rupture during VBAC in someone like me who has a prior low transverse incision is around 1%.

Initial here if you understand that VBAC is associated with a higher risk of harm to my baby than to me.

Initial here if you understand the risk of your uterus transforming into a baby consuming alien from outer space resulting in hysterectomy, blood transfusion, infection, injury to internal organs, blood coagulation problems, death and major embarrassment.

After about the 20th initial, you can't help but have some doubts. Especially over that "more harm to the baby than to me" one. That one kills me. But I still feel like it's the right decision for me, for my baby, for my family. It's not right for everyone. I've had friends/family opt for the repeat c-section over a VBAC. I've had friends opt for an elective c-section over the possibility of delivering a large baby. I've had countless friends/family who have had successful inductions. I've had incredible superwoman friends who have opted for drug free deliveries. To each her own. The point is, shouldn't YOU be the one to make an informed decision about your birth experience and not a doctor, particularly not a doctor you've just met for the first time?

If you're someone who has previously had a cesarean, I highly recommend checking out the ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) site. It's not just for potential VBAC candidates. If you're pregnant and expecting to deliver soon, check out some things you can do to avoid an unnecessary cesarean. And if you're still reading at this point, here are a couple of interesting articles about the concept of defensive medicine, one from a doctor and one from a patient. Knowledge is power, ladies. I plan on arming myself with loads of information and a good epidural once labor starts. Hopefully it will be enough to grant me the birth experience I want.

Girls Weekend

2011-03-11T15:56:00.000-08:00

I've been in a bit of a funk lately.

Huge, tired, lazy.

That first trimester exhaustion has returned, my back is killing me, my hands go completely numb at night, I pee all the time, my clothes don't fit, my immune system is shot and my list of complaints goes on and on and on. Just ask Clark. Mostly though, I have this sick feeling of dread. I'm scared.

Terrified.

I hate being a new mom. I'm not looking forward to it at all. It's difficult, it's isolating. Your world is turned upside down for a period of time. Wacky hormones, lack of sleep, leaky orifices. It's awful and there's no avoiding it.

Since getting back from vacation, I can no longer avoid the reality that faces me. I've got baby clothes to sort and wash, a nursery to put together and a house to clean top to bottom. And somewhere in there, I need to prepare emotionally for that scary new mom phase.

But before all that happens, I had the opportunity to recharge.

Last weekend, some of my best girlfriends flew into Phoenix from Boston, Austin and Provo/Orem. We spent the weekend at a hotel in Tucson doing... absolutely nothing. It was heaven. I was totally off duty as wife/mother. In fact, when Clark and I pulled into our driveway at 10 o'clock at night after having spent the day in Sedona, I refused to even come into the house. I got straight into Clark's car and drove off to join my girlfriends at the hotel. I was serious about being off duty. Although I did take one call from my friend Danielle who was watching my kids. Booker had one of his monthly migraines at her house and turned into a screaming demon child in a matter of seconds, threw up all over her carpet and promptly passed out on the floor. Good timing, buddy. I owe you one, Danielle! Seriously. I owe you big time. No one should have to deal with Booker when he's like that.

Anyways, it was a fabulous weekend of chatting, sleeping, eating and basking in the sun. Glorious! And much needed. Sure, I had just returned from a three week vacation overseas, but I really needed a vacation from that vacation and this weekend was the perfect fix.

We hiked around Sabino Canyon.

I use the term hiking loosely since two of us are pregnant.

Ate Sonoran dogs at El Guero Canelo.

Consumed obscene amounts of calories at Cheesecake Factory.

And just enjoyed the great company. I've known Jen, Julia and Carly since junior year at Belmont High (is that 11 years, now?) And we all met Mel our freshmen year at BYU while living in David John Hall.

One of my favorites aspects of the weekend was being able to talk "pregnant" with Jen and Carly. The three of us are just weeks apart, so naturally we had much to discuss. In order of due dates- me with baby boy #3, Carly with baby girl #2 and Jen with baby boy #1. I can't wait for April/May when the text messages start rolling in. I want weekly cervical updates, ladies!

Thank you, girls for the fabulous weekend. And a big thank you to Clark for holding down the fort and for the clean house I returned to. There is nothing like a weekend escape with your girlfriends to help you get reenergized and prepared for the hard times to come, even if that escape is still in the neighborhood. How about Raleigh, NC in two years time?

Family Photos

2011-03-11T15:40:00.000-08:00

Since we were already dressed up and the camera was out, we took a couple of unsuccessful family photos up in Sedona with the tripod and remote clicker. I considered photoshopping out the grass stains, but why bother. I'm going to be a mom to three boys... if I spend my time photoshopping out life's grass stains, I'll drive myself nuts.

Lessons learned? 1) Fat girls should stay away from bright, bold patterns and 2) Don't give the remote clicker to your kids and expect a single photo to turn out.

My Sister's Wedding

2011-03-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

Last week my sister got married up in beautiful Sedona, AZ. I can't believe I made my dad wait this long for photos from that day (sorry dad!). It was a beautiful and intimate ceremony with just family and a couple of close friends. I think every wedding should be that small and low key. Kyle's dad is a pastor and flew out from Oklahoma to perform the ceremony. Thanks to Skype, Marie and Kyle were able to say hi to my dad in Cairo and my mom and brothers in Provo. I'm really glad I was able to be there for their big day. We're so happy for you, Marie, Kyle & Amara. We love you guys!

I can't figure out how to get the slideshow how to play in the correct order. Oh well, use your imagination.

Photo album here.